


Keith the Space Ninja

by Alcore



Series: How to Take Care of: [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempt at Humor, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Humor, Not Beta Read, Platonic Relationships, Some Humor, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, Team Fluff, Team as Family, Teambuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22283077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcore/pseuds/Alcore
Summary: Sometimes a certain someone can be a little too brooding or emo like for his own good, and sometimes the people around him won't let that slide.OrJust a series of one-shot scenarios regarding Keith and how the cast of Voltron takes care of him in their own special ways.
Relationships: Allura & Coran & Hunk & Keith & Lance & Pidge | Katie Holt & Shiro, Allura & Keith (Voltron), Coran & Keith (Voltron), Hunk & Keith (Voltron), Keith & Black Lion (Voltron), Keith & Keith's Wolf (Voltron), Keith & Kolivan (Voltron), Keith & Krolia (Voltron), Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith & Red Lion (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Matt Holt & Keith
Series: How to Take Care of: [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604365
Comments: 80
Kudos: 191





	1. Not every battle is fought alone - Shiro

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, welcome to this Voltron scenario story. I'm not from an English speaking country so there will probably be a lot of grammar mistakes in it. So, I hope you manage to enjoy it despite my crappy writing abilities. ^^
> 
> NB: Most of this book will have chapter that contains angst, but there will be exceptions to that too.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During his late-night patrol, Shiro notices that a certain red paladin isn't in bed. Concerned he searched the castle until he stumbles upon him om the training deck, however, something seems off about him.

Keith wasn't like any of the other paladins, something Shiro was well aware of.

Keith was closed off, always keeping people at an arm's length away be it, family or friends. However, despite all that, Shiro did know for a fact that nightmares plagued Keith on a regular basis.

Unhealthy as it was, Shiro knew that Keith would never willingly open up about his internal issues. Something everyone in the castle had done at one point or another. To say it worried Shiro was an understatement. Despite that, he knew better than to pressure Keith.

Shiro had learned by experience that forcing Keith to open up would do more harm than good. Keith had barricaded himself behind layers upon layers of protective walls. Constantly putting a distance between him and everyone else in fear of getting hurt.

Too many interactions could be overwhelming, sometimes pushing Keith to the point of resorting to run away or isolate himself.

So it was safe to say that breaking down his walls had been a slow process.

The reward of getting to know the real Keith, however, had been worth it. 

Walking around the empty halls to check up on the paladins like the space dad he was, Shiro heard the distance echos of metal clashing against metal. It was a familiar rhythm, quick and intense, with a long pause every now and then.

Keith was the only one who wasn't in bed and Shiro, being very tired from their previous battle, took some time to fully register and process it. In fact it took him about 10 ticks, to piece everything together before realization hit him.

*smack*

 _'Obviously, he would be on the training deck, why did I expect anything different?'_ Shiro thought begrudgingly, slowly removing his palm from his face.

Shiro as well as all the other paladins knew how much Keith trained. Heck, had he not known any better, they all would say that the red-paladin probably lived on the training deck.

Shaking his head in amusement and fond disbelief, he made his way towards the training deck.

Just as he suspected the team leader was greeted by the familiar sight of a sweat covered and panting Keith. Shiro sighed almost tiredly at the sight. As much as he loved and adored Keith, the red-paladin could seriously be a pain in the neck to deal with at times. Especially late at night.

"Start training sequence level 15," Keith's breathy and strained voice echoed throughout the training deck. Pose ready to take on the Altean bot that was about to charge him.

"End training sequence!" Shiro called out, causing Keith to flinch. Shoulders tensed in position Keith slowly turned around to face his brother who wore a tired yet stern look.

"Shiro what the he-" Keith offendedly glared, only to stop when Shiro put up his human arm in a halt motion.

It was clear that the older would not have any of Keith's snappy remarks today. He was too tired. Still, the expression Keith wore was different from his normal one, and it unsettled him.

Tired? Sure, that was almost a daily look for him, but Keith almost looked, _frightened_.

His shoulders were frozen in a tense position, and it looked like he would flee the room at any moment.

Not to mention his movements. From what Shiro had observed before he stepped into the room, he could only have described Keith's fighting it as frantic. The blows were efficient but lacked the normal fluidity and grace Keith normally had when fighting. It was almost like watching a marionette doll instead of a living person. His body was there, but his mind clearly wasn't.

"Keith, we've been over this before. You need to rest. It's unhealthy for you to push yourself to this extent, let alone neglecting sleep." Shiro could almost feel the way Keith shrunk in on himself when he talked.

"Take a break, okay?" He softly added, looking at Keith for a response.

He expected a whine or complaint of him being overprotective or too concerned. Maybe even a knife thrown at him for good measure, but he was only met with Keith's unmoving body. Keith's eyes were unblinking but locked on to him. However, they had a dazed look to them, making Shiro feel like Keith just saw right through him instead. A sense of dread filled Shiro, but before he could do anything Keith ran past him and towards the middle of the room.

The next thing he knew Keith's voice rung out in the room. 

"Start training sequence, level 16."

"End training sequence! Activate number 4 lockdown." Shiro called out as the Altean bot dissolved.

Something was wrong. Something was seriously wrong with his little brother. Keith barely acknowledged him, something he'd only done in their first days at the Garrison. It set off a blaring alarm in the older's mind.

Shiro needed to know what it was that caused his brother to act so unnaturally. Seeing no other choice Shiro decided to use the one thing Keith would bend to. The godsend power that Shiro possessed and few were immune to.

The caring brother card and the dad-voice.

Sure it was a very dirty move on his part, but Shiro would be damned if he didn't use it. Especially when it was the only thing Keith would listen to.

Shiro looked up again, not even being aware of ever having averted his gaze. From the other side, Keith was starring at the ground, shaking. Even from afar Shiro could see how fiercely he gripped the handles of his bayard and Marmora blade. A panic attack.

Immediately Shiro regretted his choice of checking up on Keith the last. Perhaps he could've prevented whatever it was that troubled Keith from escalating this far.

"Keith-"

"I can't, okay? We're in the middle of an intergalactic war and I-" Keith trembled. His voice was shaky and on the edge of something akin to panic. Shiro patiently waited for Keith to continue, but he never did.

Instead of talking, Keith stood there completely frozen.

Without the constant clang, Shiro could hear the shaking and erratic gulps of air the latter took in. He wanted so badly to just hold his little brother and reassure him. Nothing pained him more than staring at Keith as he battled with himself.

However, Shiro was painfully aware that if he initiated physical contact or any form of contact Keith would without a doubt flee from the scene. Worst case scenario locking himself in his room for days, only to come out if someone forced him out.

So, all Shiro could do was to patiently stand there and wait for Keith to make his move.

* * *

Keith was scared. He was caught off guard, unaware and now Shiro would know. One look and he knew that Shiro would have him all figured out. It only took one look, one sentence and he'd spill our everything. It was a well-known fact.

Keith couldn't lie to Shiro.

No, no, no, no, no. He couldn't panic now. Not in front of Shiro. Not in front of _anyone_. He wasn't worth it. He didn't deserve their care. He was _Garla_ , the enemy. Keith knew he'd only cause them trouble, he always had.

They'd never get stuck in an intergalactic war if he hadn't heard the blue lion's calls for him. Allura didn't have to erase her father's consciousness if he'd kept a better watch on Sendak, and the Garrison...

He'd basically thrown away all of Shiro's hard work and ruined someone else's life in the process. 

He was always the troubled kid, always the impulsive one, short-sighted, hot-headed, tunnel-visioned. It was etched into his soul.

The _Disciplinary case_. An unruly kid no one wanted. Who bounced from foster home to foster home, never settling down. Everyone would leave him, they _always_ did. Even his own mother.

Keith walked the path of destruction. Everything he held dear would sooner or later be destroyed by his own hands, and he knew it.

Life never had any mercy on him, and it never would.

He was all too aware of it. He knew that anything remotely good would find a way to tear him down in the worst way possible. Not just him, but anyone who brought him happiness.

Keith Kogane would be the downfall of Voltron. That much he knew.

The only option- the only way he could prevent that outcome was to leave. If pain and death followed him, then he'd leave nothing of him behind.

The younger boy seemed to have collected his thoughts. The shaking had stopped and the breaths had evened out. Still he Keith refused to meet Shiro's gaze, purple eyes deadlocked on the ship's pale floor. Shiro's eyebrow furrowed, feet softly clanking against the floor as he slowly walked towards the frozen boy.

"Keith? Are you-" Shiro didn't get to finish. Instead, he was met with the most heartbreaking reply possible.

"What if I'm unable to save you?" It was spoken as an afterthought. So softly Shiro would've missed it if he wasn't so laser-focused on the boy in front of him. He knew that there was more to the statement an important part that Keith would never say out loud.

_Because I'm too weak_

"Keith you don't-"

"What if I put the mission in jeopardy because I didn't react fast enough?" Keith cut him off, tone changing into a more erratic one.

"We would fail. We'd lose the war. The universe would have no fighting chance. No Voltron. No hope. Only Zarkon." Keith continued in a panicked ramble. Shutting his eyes tightly, each sentence growing more frantic. 

Shiro knew he had to act, but he didn't know-how. Keith... Shiro had never seen the teen so distressed before.

"Woah, Keith. Calm down. It's okay. You don't have to do this alone. Where did you-" Shiro trailed off as he looked at Keith. The panicked ramble continued, but the boy's eyes were unfocused and glossed.

Shiro was scared, not of Keith, but for him. He had never seen Keith lose his composure like this before. Ever.

Angered, yes more often than he could count, but panicked? Not this extent. _Never to this extent._ In truth, Keith shouldn't even have to feel this way, ever.

In Shiro's eyes, Keith was strong. Possibly the strongest person alive. He had suffered more than anyone. Sacrificed more than anyone, but despite all that, he continued to be so kind. So brave.

Keith would never leave anyone he cared for. He would always have their back and fight to protect, even if it was against all odds.

Keith had a one-track mind headed towards his own carved out destination. Like a confident ruler of his own fate, something Shiro had always admired about him. Keith never looked back, instead, he always pushed forward with the fiery passion of the Red lion.

He had been through hell, and Shiro was all too aware of that. That he had been transferred from foster family to foster family. Taken everything the universe had thrown at him and turned it into motivation, to _power_. Keith had put it all behind him, and never let it define him.

Seeing him now; so scared, so panicked, it shocked Shiro to his very core.

Whatever it was that disturbed Keith... Whatever it was that shook him this badly, Shiro had to know.

If there was something that managed to not only send Keith into a panic attack but a panic attack he couldn't snap out of, Shiro _needed_ to know. Even if it scared him.

Shiro swore he would protect his team. They were only a couple of kids fighting an intergalactic war, while he was only an adult and a Junior Officer at Galaxy Garrison. Looking at Keith now he would be damned if he couldn't help.

Gently he placed his hand on Keith's tense and trembling frame. The young paladin violently flinched under it, before going somewhat lax. Seemingly melting into it, like all the hundreds of times before.

Taking a deep breath and giving Keith a small reassuring squeeze Shiro spoke.

"Keith, please. Whatever it is that's bothering you, you can tel-'' Keith jerked away from Shiro, so violently Zarkon himself might as well be the one holding him.

"Keith?" Shiro called out dumbfounded looking at the younger boy who was trembling again.

"Shiro? Shiro, I'm- Sorry Shiro, I'm sorry. Sorry. Sorry." Keith repeated like a mantra, not even looking at Shiro. Instead, his gaze was locked onto his hands, as if they were hands of every monstrosity and atrocious act the Garla Empire had ever made.

"K-Keith, calm down. It's okay." Shiro said, trying to close the distance between them.

However the second he took a step forward, Keith took one back. It hurt him a little, being rejected by Keith. Despite that Shiro was way more concerned about his brother than his personal feelings.

"You don't have to apologize. You've done nothing wrong. If something's bothering you, you can tell me. Whatever it is you can-" He never got to finish. Instead, he was met with something that turned to blood in his veins to hard and cold ice.

"I CAN'T BE THE REASON YOU ALL **_DIE_ **!"

Shiro flinched at the sudden scream. The voice was so raw, so panicked and thick with emotion and desperation he didn't know it was possible. It honestly took a lot out of Shiro's willpower to keep himself from breaking down. He should've expected it, but he didn't.

In the war they lived in it was so _easy_ to forget _._ With minds constantly focused on battle and war strategies, coalition forming, and diplomatic meetings. They were constantly looking at the bigger picture to end the war. Leaving little to no thoughts for the pieces that had created it. With one of them breaking right in front of his eyes, it revealed what seemed like a long-buried truth.

They were all human.

Keith was human.

Keith wasn't an indestructible godsend warrior from a superior species like almost everyone on Voltron though or admired him for.

He was a hybrid, a half-garla half-human, but nonetheless human. Emotions ran wild inside him, just like it did to everyone else. Somehow in the midst of it all, they had all forgotten that.

With soft eyes, Shiro slowly slung his arm around Keith's shoulder. Holding him in a side hug he swore he wouldn't let go until Keith calmed down, even if the latter struggled slightly before giving up.

"Keith we're a team." He started, looking straight ahead and not at Keith. Shiro knew how much the boy resented being caught at his so-called 'moments of weakness'. Which in his opinion was a load of complete and utter crap.

Still, making sure he had Keith's full attention Shiro continued. Making sure to keep his voice as warm and loving as ever.

"And being a team means we're together in this. It's important that you have our backs, but most importantly that _we_ have _yours_. _We_ look out for each other, _together_. Like a _family_." Shiro took a pause, sneaking a small look at the boy he'd come to love as a younger brother.

Keith's eyes were still glossy, but the shaking had stopped.

"It's not your responsibility to care for them. It's something we all share, and right now, you're the one who needs it the most." Shiro said as Keith's eyes finally looked up meeting his own.

"You, you can't tell me what to do... Not now. I _need_ to do this. Please, Shiro... please..." Keith, whispered out, in a tone that nearly broke Shiro's resolve right then and there.

Damn those eyes, Shiro, though as he watched them glistening with unshed tears. They were beautiful, like forever swirling amethyst colored galaxies. Holding every emotion Keith couldn't utter or show himself. Hope, curiosity, and fear were all prominent ones, unfortunately, there was one way stronger than the others.

Fear.

If there was one thing in the whole universe Shiro knew Keith to be afraid of; then it was abandonment. To be left alone out in the desert, first by his mother and then his own father. Heck, even himself at one point after the Kerberos mission.

"I'm not telling you this as your leader," Shiro said, tightening the hug. "I'm telling this as your best friend and brother." 

The room fell into total silence. The temperature in the training seemed so much colder than he expected.

"But- but what if I mess up. What if I mess up so badly that you... You-" Now it was Shiro's turn to cut him off.

"We're a team, Keith." Shiro paused, making sure he had Keith's full attention before continuing.

"You, me, Pidge, Lance, Hunk, Allura and Coran. We're all a team. Every victory and every mistake is shared. The fault never lies with only one, neither is the battle. We're all behind you. You don't have to fight every battle alone." Shiro said gently guiding Keith to his front before wrapping both arms around him.

"I will _never_ give up on you, Keith. That will _never_ change." Shiro didn't need the mind-melding devices in order to understand Keith's thoughts.

It was soul-crushing to know with 100% certainty that Keith didn't even see himself as a valuable asset to Voltron. To know that he believed himself to be a burden rather than a blessing in half-human half-garlan skin.

Keith wouldn't trust himself to give a verbal replay yet, and that was okay. He knew that Shiro didn't expect him to either.

Shiro was too kind that way, always the one with the bleeding heart. A small smile slipped while he kept his face buried in the crock of Shiro's neck. It smelled familiar... safe like... like family.

Even with that in mind, nothing could brace him from what happened.

Such a small and simple gesture, caused a long-forgotten searing to form behind his eyes. The feeling of his chest contraction, wrecking his body releasing an emotional onslaught of bottled up emotions and feelings that were long overdue.

Wrenched sobs echoed inside the quiet room, but this time Keith didn't try to stop them.

Shiro's heart constricted in pain at each sound. It was sad but reassuring. Both knew it was a long time coming and very much needed meltdown.

Between Keith's desperate heaves, every insecurity, every fear, and every other feeling and thoughts that had been hidden spilled out. All while Shiro held him with firm arms whispering reassurance as the two sat down on the cold training deck floor.

It was a beautifully sad, but a much needed moment. Especially for Keith, and Shiro- Shiro was despite everything happy if not prideful that Keith didn't run away from it. From himself, but more importantly; from his own emotions.

About a Varga and a half passed before Keith finally stopped.

Tired from both crying and the intense training, the young paladin fell limp in Shiro's hold. There he stayed safe and secure with a small smile on his worn-out features. The older paladin waited for 20 doboshes, before he decided to move from the empty training deck

Carefully and steadily Shiro scoped up the limp boy and carried him bridal style out of the room, heading towards Keith's own room. The automatic doors slid open, and Shiro had never been more grateful for it as he made his way inside and towards the bed. He gently lowered Keith down and upon contact. The boy seemingly melted into the mattress.

A soft sigh escaping his lips as Shiro let out a small chuckle while tucking him in. Doing a double check that it would stay in place Shiro proceeded to walk towards the exit.

Waiting for the doors to open he cast one last look, and his heart melted at the sight.

In the bed laid a young boy fast asleep, looking completely untouched by the horrors of abandonment and war. A relaxed expression covered his usually guarded and tense face. Fears and sorrows seemed so far away and almost long forgotten.

He looked so small and pure. So innocent.

Right then and there Shiro swore. He swore that he would fight tooth and nails to protect what remained of his little brother's innocence. Even if he had to cross Zarkon himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the more serious ones, but I hope you enjoyed! I promise I that the future chapters won't be as bad... hopefully.  
> Also: Feel free to comment! I love to see...read? what you guys think. Even if it's a constructive critique. So... don't be shy!


	2. It's okay to seek out help - Hunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith shows up less and less during mealtimes and Hunk notices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Hinting at an eating disorder. Other than that enjoy the angst?

Hunk loved to cook food for his team, and that was a well-known fact among the paladins. It brought the Samoan boy great joy to see the smiling faces of everyone as his recipes were successful. To know that he alone could make their day a little brighter and less grave was immensely giving to him. Knowing that he could somewhat ease up the painful situation of the intergalactic mess they'd found themselves in was something he held close to heart.

Despite the already bad enough situation of being the shining hope of the universe- all bein in the age range of 15-25, the yellow paladin had noticed one thing that seemed off with the team, or rather a certain emo boy. Hunk wanted it to be stress, but something told him it wasn't. That this was something more severe. Much more severe. 

So no matter what everyone said to him, and even after it had been resolved Hunk still deeply regretted it.

To be fair though, It wasn't obvious... at first.

Keith Kogane was a man of few words, but whose actions spoke louder than anything else Hunk knew of. He was fiercely protective over those he considered as friends and families. Often to the point of Keith gladly sacrificing his own health to protect someone else.

So, despite the outer mask of grumpiness Keith constantly displayed, Hunk knew how big of a softie his teammate really was. The red paladin did everything in his power to keep everyone safe, even if that meant neglecting his own needs. 

Unfortunately, Hunk couldn't do anything about Keith's reckless streak. What he could do though, was making sure he always had enough energy to fight.

Mealtimes were _very_ important to him, sacred if Hunk said so himself. Hunk knew very well that he wasn't the best fighter, he was more of the supporting character. What he could do was to make sure everyone was healthy, both in body and mind.

So yes, Hunk held every meal in very high regard. It was the time where he could take care of his space family in a way only he knew of. It gave them some sense of normality, despite being several light-years away from Earth... Fighting for their lives and everyone else who didn't want to be a part of a megalomaniac empire.

Hunk shook his head. Now wasn't the time to get lost in thoughts. Keith was isolating himself again which also included him getting lost in his own mind. 

In all honesty, Hunk wished he'd seen the signs before, but hindsight was always 20/20. 

The red-paladin would often eat _after_ the rest of them were finished in favor of his intense workout sessions.

Sessions that had the goal of passing 3 levels scotch free. Every time he got hit he'd finish the level and start over again until he beat the robot without a single hit landed on him.

It was like an obsession, one that none of the paladins could figure out. Then all of a sudden, Keith joined them more. Sure he still stayed close to Shiro, but he stopped the unhealthy night training if the sudden disappearance of Shiro's eyebags were any indication.

It stayed that way for about phoebe, but then he started pulling away. In all honesty, it had concerned Hunk. The fear of Keith returning to the unhealthy cycle of pushing himself to the point of fainting on the training deck kept him awake at night.

Shiro had talked to them about it, after taking notice of the team's somber and concerned mood. Apparently, the lack of any action from the Garla empire had Keith on edge. So in order to deal with it, he distracted himself with training, even at the expense of mealtime with his teammates.

That didn't stop Hunk from taking any actions though.

Even if Keith didn't physically eat with them, Hunk always made sure to leave him leftovers. He couldn't stand the thought of Keith running around on an empty stomach much like he had done after Shiro disappeared.

No one deserves that, especially not Keith. The red-paladin had been through enough heartwrenching things for several lifetimes. So, Hunk did what he could do best, and that was showing his love and appreciation through making food.

Despite not being there in physical form, Hunk was appeased by the signs the red-paladin unintentional left behind. Because every morning when Hunk entered the kitchen the leftovers had always seemingly vanished and a clean set of plates and utensils were in the cupboard.

It never failed to make the yellow-paladin smile. It meant that Keith ate, and that was all he needed to know, but life was never that easy. Above all else, Hunk should've known something bad would happen.

Life always seemed to have a grudge against Keith.

Shiro vanished after their battle against Zarkon, and even from the sidelines, Hunk could see how it slowly crushed Keith. His eyes no longer held the passionate flame they always had, instead he could only see the afterglow. A weak barely alive flame, slowly dimming out by the minute.

Hunk figured it was okay, that Keith would get over it. Having no appetite after losing someone so close to him was understandable, but... Hunk couldn't help but feel like there was something more. It went gradually, but as the quintant's passed by, he'd see it more often. Innocently sitting in the exact spot he left it, was the leftovers. _Completely untouched_. 

It unsettled Hunk greatly because, after Shiro vanished, Keith had doubled the time he spent in the training deck. Eating breakfast, which he _always_ did together with them, happened less and less, and it worried everyone. 

Keith being the person he was made it hard for them to help. None of them were Shiro, and none of them could comfort him like their leader could.

They were constantly walking on eggshells around Keith. Lance didn't have the smoothest relationship with him. Pidge, while they got along better than Lance, was as lost with emotional situations. Coran and Allura acted like normal out of fear of making it worse.

Which left Hunk as the best candidate.

* * *

So here he was outside the training deck, prepared to stop Keith's unhealthy coping mechanisms. Hunk could hear the clangs of metal clashing against metal. It was forceful and wild and Hunk could almost feel the desperation in the movements despite being on the other side of the door. Just a couple of steps forward and they would automatically open.

He could do this, Hunk told himself. He could face Keith, and hopefully not get stabbed by a flying knife the second he stepped into the room. Keith wouldn't hurt him. He wouldn't hurt any of them. _He'd rather hurt himself._

Hunk shook his head, forcefully shoving the thought away. He took a deep breath and froze. There were no sounds in the castle. No huffs and grunts. No sound of metal clashing. No indication that there was anyone inside the training deck.

The yellow paladin didn't hesitate. Before Hunk could register what he was doing he was already inside the training deck. What he saw made the blood in his veins freeze.

Standing with one arm raised the training bot looked ready to deal the final blow. At its feet laid and unmoving Keith face down.

"END TRAINING SEQUENCE!!!"

The robot dissolved right after the command, leaving only him and Keith in the empty room. In a tick, Hunk found himself on his knees, carefully lifting Keith's limp body close to his own. He scanned his teammate up and down, looking for any signs of wounds or bruises. There were none, but despite not finding anything Hunk wanted him checked. Switching his hold on Keith he lifted him up, only to nearly drop him right after.

Keith was so lithe. 

It hurt Hunk deep into his soul. Keith was skinny, that was a fact, but he was healthy. Despite his small frame, he was packed. In fact, many Garla's had fallen for the dangerous deception. So holding him now in contrast to three phoebs ago, was heartbreaking. A single word kept repeating inside Hunk's head.

 _Malnourishment_.

Keith was malnourished, and it happened right underneath his nose. While his whole _team_ was with him. Tears welled up in Hunk's eyes as the reality of the situation hit him. Keith used food as a weapon.

A weapon against himself as a form of self-punishment.

Looking down at the boy Hunk couldn't help but notice how skinny Keith was. His eyes looked sunken in, cheeks were hollow and seemed to curve inward rather than outward. Hunk was sure that if Keith wasn't wearing the paladin armor he'd be able to feel every bone on his body. Spine, ribs everything. Keith hadn't let himself heal at all.

Not emotionally or physically.

With determined steps, Hunk made his way towards the kitchen. There was no way he would let Keith go now, not when he knew what the red paladin had been up to.

So, he carefully placed Keith in his seat by the eating table. Tweaking his position so Keith wouldn't fall, Hunk walked towards the counter and began putting together an easy and well tasting meal.

While working he heard a small groan. Turning around he saw Keith slowly coming to his senses. It took Keith 5 ticks to realize that he was in a different area and one more before he sprinted out of the chair to get away.

Hunk had anticipated it and plucked Keith off the ground soon after. Throwing the red paladin over his shoulder fully ignoring the other's rather colorful protests and carried him all the way to the kitchen. While carrying the malnourished teen Hunk couldn't help but frown.

How had he and the other missed this? How _long_ had Keith tortured himself without them knowing anything about it? Weren't they friends? Teammates?

Did he not trust them enough?

Hunk wanted to scream, but not at Keith. Or maybe, but not out of anger. Hunk had failed him, failed the team and- Shiro.

Taking in a deep breath the yellow paladin strengthened his resolve. His teammate needed him, and Hunk would help no matter what the red paladin said, or did.

Keith was more physical than a talkative person. Unlike the last time Hunk forced Keith to sit down in the chair, going as far as to use the handcuffs from the team bonding experience to lock the paladin to the kitchen.

No way he would let Keith escape to the training deck.

In retrospect, maybe that wasn't the best idea.

Keith even underfed and tired still put on quite the fight. Be it ego or pride, Hunk didn't know... but either way, it caused his teammate to try about anything to get out from the cuffs. Even going as far as to chew on them!

It was a sad and pathetic scene to watch. Hunk felt awful as the dreadful feeling of guilt seeped into him. How could he let it come to this? How could he let one of his friends suffer like this?

How had he not _seen_ it?

The sounds of Keith struggling against the cuff brought him back. If looks could kill, Keith would've stabbed him thirty times over, and buried him in the fiery pits of hell. Maybe even personally eject him to space and let Zarkon have him.

However, Hunk didn't pay it any mind. Removing the pan from the heater Hunk made a decent serving from Keith to eat before making his way over. While he sat down he could feel Keith's apprehensive eyes following his every move.

While lowering himself into the seat across Keith, brown eyes meeting purple ones. Hunk gave him a soft smile, before gently placing the plate down.

Keith only raised an eyebrow but remained silent. Hunk's face filled with sympathy and sadness, as he picked up the spork filled with his best newest food creation. 

Keith shoot him an ugly look, and it was at that moment Hunk understood that he did not handle sympathy well.

Hunk's heart broke a little more.

Hunk knew had to be patient, he knew that was the only way to get close to Keith. _Bob_ knows how many walls the poor boy had up in order to prevent any more emotional pain caused by other people.

Even Shiro himself had said it took him quite some time before he got past Keith's first walls. And he was Shiro! The most perfect man on all of Earth, possibly the universe.

It was a given that progress went slow. 

As expected Keith kept trying to dodge the spork. It was honestly impressive how Keith could maneuver around the small object even with both hands and feet cuffed. Much to Hunk's relief, Keith seemed to lose energy as time went on and eventually stopped fighting.

Maybe it was the hunger, or him finally coming to his senses. Either way, for once in his life Keith Kogane the hot-head of Voltron let his way to stubborn pride down, and let someone else take care of him. Even just for a little while.

* * *

Keith hated it. He hated the situation he had landed himself in. Cuffed to a table and being hand-fed by his teammate. It was beyond humiliating. In Keith's opinion, life couldn't be much worse than this.

Did he know that what he did to himself was bad? Of course, he did! He deserved it after all. He had failed Shiro, and now there was no trace left of him. So as self-punishment he decided to self destruct, but of course Hunk wouldn't let him.

Keith chided, he should've been smarter. The next time he would do something that didn't involve food. In that way, no one would notice. No one would be burdened by him. They would be free from him. There was no need for them to walk on eggshells anymore. All they had to do was to find a replacement. It would be easy.

Keith tightened his fists feeling his nails dig into his own skin. He didn't want to be replaced. He wanted to stay with his team... but he knew that if his team told him off he wouldn't even put up a fight.

Keith wanted to yell out. Scream at the top of his lungs to let someone know his internal conflict. Opening his mouth to say something, he was suddenly stopped by something warm entering his mouth. When his tongue came in contact with whatever it was that landed in his mouth- everything seemed to stop working.

It tasted delicious.

It was warm and rich in flavor, showing how much love and care went into making it. It gave him a sense of tranquility. He felt safe and a warm feeling spread throughout him. A familiar yet alien feeling.

A feeling of being _home_.

Keith felt his body slack in his seat, not even noticing that the Altean cuffs dropped to the floor with a clang. Instead, he found himself smiling softly.

* * *

Hunk wanted to cry out in happiness as he looked at Keith. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Keith had a genuine smile on his face as he sat there, slowly eating the meal Hunk made for him.

Keith looked so happy and carefree. Like everything else was forgotten.

"Keith- eh...You know... If you do, No. If something is bothering you- You know you can always ask for help, right?" Hunk could smack himself in the head, he had surely ruined the mood if Keith's expression was anything to go by. Head tilted to the side, eyes wide in shock.

"L-like you don't have to be a loner- I mean you don't have to be alone." Hunk said arms flailing around in all directions.

A small snort filled the room and Hunk found himself stiffen up.

In front of him, Keith was laughing. Keith Kogane, the emo loner, space ninja and pilot extraordinaire was laughing. Right in front of him!

"K-Keith? You- You okay there buddy? Are you sick!?" Hunk asked, leaning over from his seat to check upon him. His hand was swatted away in a half-hearted attempt from Keith as he tried to gather himself.

"I'm fine Hunk," Keith said as Hunk raised an eyebrow. Hunk couldn't believe the man.

One second he was self-destructing and the other he was dead seated on giving Hunk a heart attack with that soft smile of his.

A ghost of a smile graced Hunk's features before they melted away, leaving only a stern and serious look.

"But you know that right?" He asked as Keith looked at him puzzled, all traces of mirth washed away by the seriousness of the question.

"Know what?" Keith asked a frown taking place, searching Hunk's face for answers.

"That it's okay to ask us for help when you're having a hard time." 

Keith stilled once again, fidgeting with his now free arms, refusing to meet Hunk's gaze. The room fell silent with the exception of the castles generators soft buzzing in the background.

"I-" Keith said, finally looking up at Hunk with a soft and almost shy smile.

"I know now."

Hunk smiled. He couldn't have asked for anything better.

* * *

True to his words Keith, in his own Keith like way seek out help, and Hunk was more than happy to help. After admitting to Hunk he might need help with his... habits, they came to an agreement. Hunk would make sure that Keith ate, and in return, Keith would open up a little bit more.

Or at least try to.

They continued that for 6 phoebes and never once did Hunk let it slip to any of the others, visually or verbally.

Sure Lance would look at him weirdly when he placed down a plate filled with food in front of Keith- who in return gave a small smile back. Which lead to Hunk having to explain that Keith was indeed Keith and not a robot or spy, or a robot spy.

Sure, Pidge questions him about his sudden hovering around Keith, but Hunk had already made up his mind. Hunk would not violate Keith's trust. _Bob_ knows how many times that had happened to him.

So instead of answering Hunk made a pledge. A promise he swore he would keep no matter what. A promise that said that: No one would starve as long as he was alive and well.

Not his team, not his family and, especially not Keith. Because if one person in the whole god damn universe deserved a good home-cooked meal made with care and love. _Bob_ knows it was Keith.

Now, knowing that Keith actually would seek out in the cutest and most awkward way ever, there was no way in the whole known universe that Hunk wouldn't help him.

Heck, he'd probably dote on him even more now that he knew of Keith's cute and fluffy side once he decided to trust someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how sweet and caring Hunk is. Also, I'm sorry if this got a little too dark for some, by no means did I mean to make any of you uncomfortable. So I tried to lighten it up at the end... although I'm not sure if it worked.
> 
> Anyways, I promise that the next chapter isn't going to be as bad.
> 
> NB: Please know that if you do suffer from an eating disorder or believe that something isn't as it should be it's never too late to seek out help. You don't have to pull a Keith and battle everything on your own ;)


	3. Revenge is best served cold - Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith has no social skills, and Lance tries (big emphasis on tries) to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be shorter due to me favoring less angst, and more humor. As the tags suggest there is supposed to be some humor in between the angst chapters too, and Lancy boy is the perfect candidate for it.

Lance had always considered himself to be pretty good with people. He had a big family on earth and another one in space. In addition to that, he was quite the ladies man if he said so himself, as ladies seemingly wouldn't leave him alone. Way to captured by his charms, overly badass personality, and his silver tongue.

The complete opposite of certain emo, mullet-wearing, lone-wolf with the name Keith. 

His quote on quote rival.

As much as Lance was envious of his so-called rival's skills when it came to flying and combative abilities, there was one thing that infuriated him more than every one of them combined.

Keith Kogane had worse social skills than a rock.

The leader of the most powerful superweapon in all of the known universe couldn't hold a normal conversation for the life of it.

Be it diplomatic meetings or small talks Keith would somehow find a way to fail miserably, something Lance could not stand for. Way too many times had Keith's lack of social awareness blocked him from connecting with all the pretty alien ladies he encountered.

So with all the willpower in the world and a small prayer to the all-knowing jerk that was Bob, Lance swore to change that. Either succeed or die trying. Victory or death.

All of it would start NOW

* * *

After a successful infiltration mission, all of Team Voltron was chilling in the lunge while lazily reviewing their newly obtained knowledge which so far contributed to... nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

So, having enough of the aimless waiting around, Keith stood up from the couch and wordlessly made his way out of the room. 

Just as he was about to enter the training deck, Keith felt a hand grab the neck of his cropped jacket, and the feeling of someone dragg him out. With a small yelp escaping his lips the leader of Voltron was yanked out of the training room.

Violet eyes sent a longing look at the empty deck as he was dragged across the polished Altean floors. With it's most faithful visitor being forcefully removed, it looked so empty to him. Lance being the important but sometimes annoying jerk he was, had no mercy over him or the room. Therefore continued to expand the already growing distance between them.

Turning around a corner and then a ninety-degree turn Keith found himself in Lance's room.

When the doors automatically closed behind them- leaving them in pure darkness for a split tick, Keith couldn't help but dread what was about to come.

When the soft glowing lights flickered back on, Lance was sitting on his bead right in front of him. His hands tucked under his chin while piercing blue eyes stared right into his own.

"So Keith..." Lance began, leaning forward towards him with a cheesier smile. "Let's begin the lesson in basic human communication."

Keith felt a shiver run down his spine.

* * *

Three Vargas passed after Keith was locked inside Lance's room with the Cuban paladin. Since then, none of the other paladins had seen the icy hot duo before they heard their distinct voices down the hallway. One voice of a certain boy named Lance overturned the other one.

Lance's hair was disheveled looking like he'd run his hand thought it one million times to many, and they swore he had an eye twitch.

Keith, on the other hand, had a tired yet cute and confused puppy look, head tilted slightly to the side. Upon noticing the look Keith had, Lance snapped and grabbed a hold of the boy's shoulders.

"Three Vargas, I spent with you trying to teach you this. Three. Whole. Vargas! Now can you please say it correctly?" Lance asked, actually resorting to begging down on his knees, as Keith gave one of his nonchalant shrugs.

Slowly rising up to his tired feet, Lance tried it for the nth-time, voice complete and utterly broken. "When I say Vol, you say?"

.

.

.

"... tron?"

.

.

.

"W-what?" Lance gasped in total disbelief as he stared at the stoic face of his rival.

Had the universe finally hears his prayers? Did the Keith Kogane, the guy who lacked any social grace or skills whatsoever actually respond like any other normal person.

To ecstatic over the fact that Keith said it, Lance failed to notice the smirk that slowly crept onto the latter's face.

"Did you just? Holy heck! You did! You actually did it!" Lance shouted happily, launched himself at his so-called rival. Cradling him just like a little child would do to their favorite plushie.

Never even seeing the shit-eating grin on Keith's face.

The realization hit him like a lightning bolt when Lance's brain finally registered what he was doing to Keith. With a frantic motion, Lance threw himself off the boy, before running out of the room. Leaving behind a very satisfied Keith.

Hearing the loud bang of Lance tripping and falling to the floor, everyone turned their attention to him.

"Lance!? Are you-"

"No time Shiro! You all have to come with me." Lance said grabbing a hold of the black paladin. Earning a surprised yelp from him.

"Wha- but Lance?! What's goin-" Shiro asked only for Lance to dismiss it with a lazy hand gesture.

"Guys? Don't leave without us!" Hunk called after them before he too got up from his seat, along with Pidge.

Not even one dobash later Lance returned with all of team Voltron hot in his heels. They all made their way towards the hallway where they meet a seemingly confused Keith.

"Hey, guys. What's going on?" He asked only for Lance to grab ahold of him for the Bob knows how many.

"Okay, Keith, I know you can do this," Lance said putting pressure on every word while silently praying to whatever god that Keith would actually say it.

Behind him, the team stood there with a mix of curiosity, impatience, mirth, and confusion as they all looked at Keith.

"When I say Vol, you say?"

.

.

.

"Voltron?"

Lance swore his soul left him. He died. He was deceased. Because there was no way between heaven and earth that Keith-

.

.

.

"You have got to be kidding me! We had a BONDING MOMENT!!! I cradled you in my arms!" Lance screamed betrayal ever presented in his voice.

"Nope never heard of it." Keith shrugged and casually walked out of the room, leaving the blue paladin as a broken and betrayed mess on the floor.

From the other side of the room, the rest of team Voltron sweat-dropped at the paladin's distraught mumbles. Pidge, on the other hand, smugly held up her phone with a new recording added to it.

No way she would ever let Lance live this down.

No. Way. In. Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Every humor chapter will be compensated with a serious one. So the ratio will be 1:1, one way or the other. So, no worries to everyone who wants a real platonic Klance moment. I've got you covered later down the line ;)
> 
> Also, that goes the other way around too. I just have to find enough time and ideas for them.


	4. Motivation brings you farther than you think - Pidge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge decides to teach Keith something about alien technology, and he doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a semi-sweet, but mostly humor based chapter, so... Hope you enjoy it! ^^

"How much more time are we gonna waste on this?" A very tired mop of black hair asked the petite girl beside him. They'd been at it for hours and Keith's already thin patience was on the verge of tearing.

"Quit complaining. You sound like Lance." Came to the snappy remark from the green cladded teen. Averting her golden-brown eyes Pidge, shoot him a quick look before adding to her sentence. "Besides, you really need this." 

Keith opened his mouth but didn't come with a response. It was true, and they all knew it. Pidge knew this especially. Then again, Pidge was the smartest member on the team, and so she observed her teammates.

She was well aware that Keith had a talent for many things. In the eyes of an average person, Keith seemed like the perfectly imperfect boy.

Combative skills that were almost unparalleled by human standards, a pilot prodigy, headstrong, quick-witted, and... charming- in his own emo like way.

However, even as talented as Keith was there was one thing he and everyone on team Voltron knew that Keith would time and time fail at understanding.

Something so similar yet different it had the red paladin so frustrated he'd resort to hacking it to pieces. A thing that went by the name... 

Technology.

Or more specifically, alien technology.

No matter how many times Keith wrecked his brain around it, technology was the one thing he never understood. Sure he got good grades at the Garrison. However, that was primitive earth tech. Not advanced Garlan or Altean tech that had existed for hundreds of thousands of years.

It had literally been around longer than humans had existed!

Knowledge of what to do when the hoverbike wouldn't work or an earth communicator flatlined paled in comparison to the technology used out in deep space. Currently, it wasn't helpful at all. Especially should he ever find himself lightyears away from the Castle, or the Blade of Marmora base. This was an entirely different issue. 

Luckily, Pidge was a genius.

In Keith's opinion, one had to lack all five senses and more, if that wasn't plain obvious. It was just a given fact. Simple as that.

Pidge could create a lion locater out of space debris found in a scrapyard that consisted of over 1 billion different spaceship parts, overwrite Garla technology in under 30 ticks of coming into contact, and understand Olkari tech. All from the sole power of her own brilliant mind.

By observing how Keith seemed to find himself in very, very sticky situations, (often by his own recklessness) Pidge had taken it upon herself to teach the poor boy about alien tech. A crash course if you want. Alien tech 101. Or as Keith described it... 

Hell in space.

"No, Keith. We've been over this before. You don't single bind it, in cases like these you have to double bind the codes in order to overwrite them." Pidge instructed as Keith let out a long groan for the nth-time.

He'd rather face Zarkon head-on _again_ if that meant that he could escape from what he was currently and actively failing at doing.

"Okay, so maybe Garla technology is too advanced for you. How about you learn the safety programs for the castle?" Pidge asked, looking at the lit-up purple glowing screen with scrunched eyebrows. Behind her, Keith let out yet another groan.

Correction, he would rather fight Zarkon head one, _without_ the red-lion it meant he could escape from what he was currently doing.

Slicing the Garlan bot with a blow at its torso, Keith looked at Pidge, face contorted in an irritated and tired face. "I give up, Pidge," It took all of his barely existing self-control and repeating Shiro's infamous line to not let loose a very colorful and very angry rant.

"No!" Pidge immediately protested, grabbing ahold of Keith's arm before he could leave the room.

"We're not done here! You're not leaving this room until you've mastered at least one of the things I've shown you." She said as a bright idea hit her.

A sly grin crossed her features before she composed herself. Keith wouldn't see it coming, or more correctly... He wouldn't be able to refuse it.

"Wha- Pidge, we've been here for 5 vargas." Keith protested, wanting a break from overwriting the Garla algorithms and codes in the Sentry.

If Keith were ever to see one again in person, it would be dead before it could even move a centimeter. No Sentry or Garla bot would be left alive, Keith would see to that himself.

"Arg, fine. I guess it's my fault for thinking you were better than Lance. To think someone worse than him actually exists." 

Keith froze right on the spot.

It was said completely absentmindedly said. Like a carelessly voiced out thought, completely betraying the amused look on Pidge's face as she waited for the all too predictable reaction from the hot-headed paladin.

"What did you just say?" Keith asked, slowly turning his head around to face her. His eyebrow was twitching, and Pidge could see his self-control slip.

.

.

.

_Hook_

"Huh? Oh, sorry Keith, I just came to the realization that you were someone dumber than Lance actually exists." Pidge continued on smile growing larger, as she watched her teammate. It was almost too easy.

_._

_._

_._

_line_

"Oh? You really think that?" Keith asked through gritted teeth, fist clenched so hard his knuckles turned white.

"Am I wrong? As the smartest member of Voltron, you know the number of mistakes in my calculations is infinitesimal." The green paladin continued knowing how her absentmindedly remarks triggered the boy even more.

_._

_._

_._

_sinker_

"You're on! I'll prove you wrong!" Keith said, getting up in Pidge's face who now displayed her infamous gremlin smirk.

"Okay, I have to go and upgrade the green lion's stealth mode. If you've managed to fix the Sentry by the time I come back, I'll admit I was wrong to the whole team. Deal?" Pidge asked, extending her hand towards Keith.

"Deal!" He said and gripped it, hard. Pidge smirked, Keith was motivated alright. No surprise there. He was always the one to jump the gun, a classic attack before you think.

Still, to think all she had to do was bruise his ego and challenge his pride. Heh.

* * *

On her way out, Pidge smirked. Fixing the lion's stealth mode was a fluke, but Keith didn't need to know that. So here she was on her way to the kitchen to grab a hold of some snacks, two water bags, and two plates of food goo.

As ironic as it was, she had to make sure Keith didn't get absorbed in the wonderful world of technology, even as bizarre as how that seemed.

She knew it all too well, and she knew that Keith had the same problem. Especially with how often Keith could go into a one-track-mind if he ever found something worth his time. So yes, someone had to take care of him.

Pidge couldn't help but chuckle as she made her way down the hallway to gather the supplies. Oh, how the roles had switched.

She grabbed a plate of goo and a water bag before sitting down with the window, staring out on the large abyss that was space. Thoughts raced through her head.

Thoughts such as; where her family was, potential scenarios of rescue, and castle upgrades for better defense systems. Especially with the particle barrier. _Bob_ knows that thing needed a serious update.

If there was one thing in the whole castle that needed a one up then it was that almost useless shield.

Pidge didn't know how long she sat there running numbers and algorithms through her head, but she knew she had been away for quite a while. Looking down at the screen her eyes widened in shock.

She had been gone for about 3 vargas!

Immediately Pidge threw herself off the window counter and towards the fridge to get the supplies.

Keith would probably be pissed at her. She'd been gone for way longer than she said she would.

Running down the white hallway, she went through the possible scenarios of what would happen once she entered the room. Each of them ending with Keith either chasing her down the hallway or throwing his knife at her.

Upon reaching her destination Pidge slowly opened the door. Preparing herself for the worst-case scenario.

What she saw, however, shocked her completely. 

On the floor was Keith Kogane, curled up like a cat, and completely sound asleep.

He was surrounded by small extra parts from the Garla robot and the unactivated bayard. Beside him, was the Sentry, a little shorter than before, but seemingly whole. From what she could see without activating it, the robot appeared to be fully working.

As she closed in on it, the bot booted up while a robotic voice said: "Greetings paladins of Voltron. I am X57-3825Z, and I will provide you with every data currently available within my database."

Pidge let out a small whistle, careful not to wake up the poor boy. _Bob_ knows he needed to sleep. With how light Keith slept it was a miracle he even functioned as well ad he did, let alone staying focused in battle.

Pidge smiled a soft smile when looking at one of her pseudo-brothers. _'Note to self; never underestimate a motivated Keith Kogane.'_

Eyes, watering in happiness and pride, Pidge carefully placed the food tray on the floor. Taking a few steps back the found one of her favorite blankets and carefully laid it on top of him, before dimming the lights.

After that, she quietly left the room.

Tapping into the paladin connection she sent a message that told them not to step into her room. Adding to the message, after a mini threat should anyone enter her room, she told them to meet up at the bridge tomorrow moring at 09:30 sharp. For added measure, she followed it up by the innocent threat of releasing some very private information to people closest to them.

To say it sent a small panic through the team was an understatement. With desperate pleas from Lance and some incoherent stuttering from Hunk she logged out smiling.

Who cared if she had to swallow her pride the next day. This was absolutely marvelous.

* * *

"Paladins of Voltron, we are gathered here for my announcement. I, Katie Holt, the brilliant brain of Voltron, has made a mistake. Due to recent activity, I believed that the spot as the dumbest member of Voltron had changed." Pidge said, as a collective look of confusion crossed all of Team Voltron's faces.

Which was understandable, as Pidge hadn't released any details of her sudden and very aggressive call yesterday.

"Now I can firmly state, that it does not stand corrected as Lance-" Pidge said looking straight at the only Cuban team member.

"You are still the dumbest member of Voltron and Keith. You-" The green paladin got cut off by a not so happy Latino boy.

"I am not that dumb!" He protested as he was meat by a relatively long look, from not only Pidge but Keith too.

"Sure you aren't," Keith said, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Hey! I was-" Pidge rose her arm in a silencing matter.

"Anyways, ignoring the ego protecting outburst," She continued, cutting off Lance's protest, and turning her attention towards Keith.

"You, Keith Kogane have upgraded your stop from emo loner to... My apprentice! I'm so proud of you!" Pidge said from the podium she had built to make her announcement. The reactions were instantaneous.

"What!?"

"You mean loner-boy space mullet gets to hang out with you, and not me?"

"I'm not a loner!"

"Sure you aren't. You have that mullet with you." Lance said, stating it like it was a cold hard fact, while Keith looked at him, mouth wide open in pure disbelief.

"That- I... A mullet isn't even- Never mind, why do I even try with you?" Keith said and stormed off only to have Lance chase him hot in his heels, while Hunk, being the sweetheart he was followed to make sure no one got hurt.

Smiling softly while looking at three of her new family member's retreating figure Pidge let out a small sigh. A large and warm hand was placed on her shoulder and she instantly knew who it was.

Upon turning around, she was met Shiro's soft smile, just as suspected.

"Thanks for teaching him about alien technology. Keith might not look like it now, but it really means a lot to him that you went through with this." He said as the pair looked at Lance and Keith's bickering.

"No problem, it was fun. Besides, he's actually a decent person... under the lairs of emo-ness and brooding." Pidge said shrugging her shoulders while Shiro chuckled.

"Yeah," Shiro said fondly as Keith walked out of vision. "He really is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love platonic Kidge. They're so cute and they have so much in common, and I love how devious they can be when they want to... 
> 
> Think of what a duo they'd make! With Pidge's hacking and Keith's stealth and fighting skills, they're pretty much unstoppable.
> 
> #storyidea4anotherday *wink-wonk*


	5. The past does not speak for the present - Coran

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is unsure about his heritage and what it has to say for his future and wanders the castle hallways late at night. On pure coincidence, Coran catches him and they sit down and have a long talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaannnd I'm back with a more angsty chapter! This time it features none other than Coran, the gorgeous man himself. Hurray!

Keith woke up with a jolt, hands immediately reaching his blade under his pillow. Tilting it he looked at the reflection, mind still half in the land of dreams.

Purple skin and fur, Garla ears, and acidic yellow eyes were what he expected to be staring back at him. Instead, he was met with black hair sticking to pale skin, and scared wide open blue-gray eyes.

He let out a relieved sigh, before falling back down on the mattress. The room was dark with the exception of the softly glowing blue light from the castle's night lights. It was comforting to have it there, as it was so different from the dimly lit hallways of the Garla ships with their ominous glowing purple quintessence lit up.

Keith kept staring up at the ceiling, hoping sleep would take him again, but it never did. He knew he wouldn't be able to.

The adrenaline kept him awake.

His fear kept him awake.

The dream had felt so real. Every motion done in the dream was so realistic, because he knew those exact movements.

He had performed them in real life.

Keith knew he had felt it, gone through with it. He had felt the excitement flow through his veins as he cut down Sentries. The indescribable feeling of victory and not bowing down. To beat his enemies. To win and force an empire that had ruled one-third of the universe for over 10,000 years to back down, even if just a little bit.

But the dream had twisted it.

His viewpoints, values, and loyalty had belonged to someone else.

They had all belonged to Zarkon, the crude and merciless ruler of the Garla empire. A true megalomaniac tyrant, who ruled with an iron fist. The worst of all was that Keith, no- his own dream version had served for _him_. Served Zarkon.

Instead of fighting advanced pieces of technology, he had fought his allies, friends. Family.

What truly terrified him from the dream was his feeling when doing so. He- his dream version enjoyed it. He had enjoyed it.

Keith remembered cutting down Allura when she had begged him to come back. He remembered killing Sam and Matt in front of Pidge while he laughed at her despair. He remembered picking Lance apart by attacking each and every insecurity the Cuban boy had and forcing Hunk to activate the Komar, killing the Balmeras. 

However, the thing that shook him to his very core was with Shiro.

Keith had ripped the black bayard out of Shiro's hands and delivered it to Zarkon.

Shiro, the single person in the whole universe who had never given up on him- and Keith had mercilessly betrayed him, not even batting so much as an eyelash. The worst of it all, he- or his dream version of him had enjoyed it.

Keith shuddered. There was no way he would be able to go back to sleep now. Taking one last look at his reflection on the Marmora blade, Keith shoved it under his pillow before he left his room.

Walking down the empty hallways of the castle never felt so... alienating as it did right now.

He felt so out of place, walking along with the ancient Altean technology. Keith crossed his arms and hunched, look complete with the frown that covered his face.

He wasn't meant to be there. He had no right, being a part of the race that had single-handedly wiped out the Alteans. To even be allowed to live in the remains of their civilization was unthinkable.

Allura, should've thrown him out the second his heritage was discovered. She has all the right in the universe to do so.

A shudder went through him. Keith knew he shouldn't be there. He should be far away. Far, far away from the paladins, princess, and Coran.

A place where he could contribute, but not do any damage or harm any of them. He valued them too much, and now, after the nightmare and the discovery of his heritage... He couldn't stay.

Keith hadn't paid any attention as to where he had gone. He was way to trapped inside his own mind to really take notice of his surroundings. When he snapped out of them he found himself in front of the red lion.

Despite it mainly being a gigantic, quintessence driven superweapon robot, he could almost feel a sympathetic gaze coming from it. Had he been in a better mood he'd scoff at it. So much for the superweapon image. Instead, he looked at it with a searching look, eyes glistening with desperation.

"Why me?" He asked softly, yet brimming with emotion. "Why did you pick me?" Keith sighed in frustration feeling the all too familiar stinging in his eyes, but he refused to cry. Instead, he dug his nails into his forearms, using the pain as a momentary distraction.

"Damn it! Don't you understand!? I'm GARLA!!!" Keith shouted throwing his arms down along his sides, before taking a step forward. "I- My people killed your creator," he said, one arm over his heart, before pointing straight out the window of the hangar towards the vast and empty space there.

"They've enslaved one-third of the god damn universe! Taken slaves. Hostages. Killed millions of people! They ruined Altea and drove them to extinction along with so many other planets!" Keith shouted out in anger and frustration, hoping it would somehow get through to the red lion.

"Zarkon betrayed you all! How the hell can you even trust me enough the be Voltron's right arm!?" Keith asked, pain and anguish bleeding into his voice before he looked down at the marble white floor.

"I- '' he said softly as it was barely audible as a single teardrop fell, creating an echo in the empty hangar.

He didn't want to part with Red, but Keith didn't want to be a danger to his team let alone the universe.

"I can't... I can't even trust myself." With a quick swipe to hide evidence of tears, Keith turned around and stormed out of the hanger.

In the background, if he had paid attention he could've heard the almost whine like the sound the red lion sent through their link.

* * *

"Aaaaand Done! Everything fixed and in order, what do you say Platt?" Coran asked looking at the Altean mouse who was curled into a small ball, sleeping.

"Ah, right, should probably head to bed right about now," Coran said, sliding out of the room leaving the mouse to sleep in peace.

Walking down the halls, Coran couldn't help but feel a wave of nostalgia.

Tracing the wall with his arm his mind escaped back to a time where he and Alfor had spent their time running down the exact same hallways. Playing around or escaping his grandpa's praise of the new drink called Nunville. At that time he'd do anything to escape, but now... he missed him. He missed all of them.

The ship wasn't the same without its paladins. Alfor, Zarkon, Trigel, Balytz, and Grygan.

He missed those carefree and peaceful times. Where Voltron had just been an exciting dream project and the paladins had just been a group of five closely tied friends.

Nothing had been complicated.

There was no eternal megalomaniac empire. There was no fight over quintessence. There was no need for Voltron, and Altea had existed.

Coran let out a small yet fond sigh. He knew better than to live in the past. With the war ahead of them he had to live in the present, both as their adviser and mechanical engineer, but most importantly their guardian in some sense.

Coran made sure to keep the paladins' lives as easy as he could. Acting ditzy when the mood got sour or locking the training room when a certain paladin tried to overexert himself.

As the oldest, he felt responsible for them. They were all just teens in his eyes. Even the princess was far too young for the responsibility placed on her shoulders. Especially with loss still fresh in her mind.

Coran sighed, they were all far too young in his eyes. None of them should have to go through the immense stress war always brings.

They shouldn't have to end up in kill or be killed situation. They shouldn't have to worry about the faith of the universe, and they should definitely not have to deal with the pain and agony of losing someone. Not even knowing if their loved ones are safe.

Let alone the stress of how every choice they made was crucial and so important for it to be right. Because if they made a mistake it could have such severe consequences a whole species or race of aliens could be either enslaved or killed.

Unalert due to getting lost in his own thoughts, Coran didn't notice the blur of black clothes that rushed his way. Within seconds both him and the other person were on the floor groaning in mild pain.

"Wha- Oh, Sorry Coran! I... I didn't see you." Keith said, immediately scrambling off Coran, who's shocked face melted into his normal happy go lucky smile.

"Ah, no worries Number 4! You're nothing compared to a yelmore. Nasty little creatures. You know, when I was a little boy I-" Coran stopped, and took a closer look at Keith. Normally the boy stops him in his life story ramblings, but not this time.

It wasn't that he didn't mind getting cut off. No, in fact, it was nice to have someone listen to him for a change. Still for that person to be Keith. The most active and energy-filled person in the whole castle right after himself- it was unsettling.

Coran frowned at the boy. Keith hadn't noticed that he had stopped talking and remained completely still. His mind was clearly elsewhere and Coran didn't need to have Allura's quintessence sensibility to figure that something troubled him.

"Great story! Don't you think so number 4?" Coran asked obnoxiously loud, looking at the red paladin. At first, he didn't get a reaction until the boy nearly jumped up to the sealing.

"Y-yeah! It was great." Keith said, stumbling over his words as he met the older Altean's eyes. Whatever it was that had Keith occupied clearly affected him as the boy seemed to deflate.

It had been short, but for a single tick, Coran had been able to catch the paladin's face. Despite its red flush, his face had been incredibly pale. Ghostly almost. Keith's eyes had also been red-rimmed and had a foggy look to them. 

Several ticks passed before any of them did anything. However, having enough of the stale still, Coran perked up again.

"You know what Number 4? I don't think we've ever really talked. How about you get to spend some good old quality time with Coran, the most gorgeous man in this castle!" With a swift motion, Coran had grabbed a hold of Keith's arm. Already dragging the boy after him before Keith could even register anything.

* * *

They settled for the bridge.

Without the busy and buzzing atmosphere of the other paladins there, the room seemed to have changed. It felt calmer and more serene, like an ancient room filled with all the secrets to the universe. In a way, it kind of was.

Instead of having to deal with the beeping sensors, heated arguments or frantic shouting, Keith could only hear the calm buss of the castle. It was rhythmic, like a fast-playing drum, but the thumps had been softened to the point of becoming a gentle background noise.

In front of him was the vastness of space. Millions upon trillions of stars gleamed and twinkled in front of him.

From here Keith could see the nebula they were headed towards. Pink, purple, blue, and yellow sparkling dust particles twinkled mystically in front of him. Their light was reflected in the castle's white walls creating a mysterious and almost magical atmosphere.

A gentle and warm hand was placed on his shoulder and for a split second Keith thought it was Shiro. Turning around to face the man, Keith's eyes widened. The smile on Coran's face was so unlike him. It was so... soft. So sympathetic and understanding and so incredibly sad. A true smile of someone who knew the pain life could provide.

The smile of someone who had almost everything they cared for, callously ripped away by death.

Keith gulped. He had no idea how to act or what to say. Instead, he remained frozen, like a deer caught in the headlight or kids just as their parents discovered them stealing from the cookie box.

Keith watched as Coran's back as he walked past him. His outline appeared almost black against the colorful nebula in front of them.

"Things weren't always like this, you know." Coran said, back still turned towards Keith. "The universe wasn't always at constant war. The Garla and the Alteans weren't always enemies. In fact, they were even close friends and allies at one point." Coran softly finished as he turned to face Keith.

The Altean man looked almost otherworldly against the everchanging and pulsating background of space. Keith didn't know what to say, so he just silently nodded, eyes never leaving Coran.

"Zarkon... he was a very close friend and confidant to me and Alfor." Coran said, slowly sitting down on the stair step.

"You must understand Number 4, the Garla aren't evil in nature. Their ties run deeper than blood. They are a very passionate race. Loyal almost to a fault, fierce and overprotective, but most importantly they all have a sense of pride. Even if that pride is misplaced now." The Altean man said, shoulders sullenly sagging.

"Not everyone thinks that's a good thing. Manny just sees them as violent feral creatures." Keith said, words bitter on his tongue.

Keith didn't know why he suddenly spoke out loud, he never had before, yet with Coran it all seemed easier. Almost like Keith knew Coran wouldn't judge him but give him a more neutral approach.

"Well you're right about that my boy, but that doesn't mean it can't change," Coran said, voice melting into his energetic one.

Keith squeezed his right arm, a frown covering his features again as Allura's betrayed and angry face flashed behind his eyelids. "Not everyone seems to believe that or that they're even capable of being good without any ulterior motives." 

Coran frowned at that, before letting out a deep sigh.

"I can not say you're wrong, but that's just a lesson the princess has to learn. Although you can not blame her too much. She was just so young. Far too young to see her homeworld burn to the ground."

Keith didn't say anything. He knew all of that already, and although it was nice that Coran defended Allura it didn't make up for her racism. 

"Although, even I can't defend her actions," Coran said with a sigh. "Her hate is misplaced and she takes it out on those who don't deserve it."

 _"Despite having suffered an immense loss she was way out of line."_ Keith remembered Shiro had told him when Allura first found out.

Shiro, in true peacemaker, overly protective fashion had always noticed the animosity coming from Allura.

"Coran don't. You don't have to-"

"No, Keith. I think I do." Keith froze, Coran never used their real names unless something important.

"You must understand that evil is not inherited. Despite what Allura believes, she _has_ experienced the Garla's kindness and kinship. Even though that is long buried under her hate."

Keith uncomfortably shifted the weight between his legs. He didn't know how to respond to such a statement. However, despite not knowing, his mouth spoke before his brain could stop him.

"She had every right to hate them." The _hate us_ went unsaid, but it hung in the air like a haunting whisper.

"Zarkon betrayed her father despite years upon years of friendship!" Keith shouted out in a flare of anger, before reeling it in. Coran didn't need to deal with his anger and frustration. He had been through enough.

"She shouldn't trust us. In fact, she shouldn't even trust me!" Keith could feel the blood pumping through his veins, how everything seemed sharper. It was almost nauseating, how the world suddenly turned so much cleared yet overwhelming.

Keith recognized the signs. He was having a panic attack. He could feel the accelerated heart rate, how his body was ready to either fight or flee. How he shook on the spot, but he knew he was trapped. His mind had trapped him, and he couldn't get out. Keith was too focused on the wild and tumultuous thoughts that raged through his mind. 

However, it all came to a sudden halt when his brain registered the warm presence of arms being wrapped around him.

* * *

 _"She shouldn't trust us. In fact, she shouldn't even trust me!"_ The sentence broke something in Coran.

Despite being ditzy and forgetful, Coran is a man of great experience. Therefore the hidden line behind the sentence rung out as clear as day.

_"Because I can't even trust myself. Because Zarkon, the one trusted to be the leader of Voltron, ended up betraying and hunting down his friends."_

Coran frowned at the trembling boy in his arms. Keith had been through way too much. All of team Voltron had been through far too much for someone so young, but especially Keith. 

Keith hated that Coran out of all people had to comfort him. He should be revolted, stick him in a freeze pod or eject him into space. Keith's kind had wiped out his whole entire race. Enslaved a third of the universe.

Keith knew he couldn't be trusted. He knew he should leave before history repeated itself.

"The past does not always speak for the future," Coran said, before going silent, letting it hang in the room like an echo.

"It is true that Zarkon did betray his friends. However, it doesn't mean that every Grala after him is forced to follow in his footsteps."

Keith remained silent, soaking up the wisdom Coran provided him.

"The past should never be forgotten or softened. Neither should it be over-exaggerated or twisted. Rather it should act as a guiding line for us in the present to learn from." Coran said releasing Keith from the hug.

"You, my boy, have the power to choose your own destiny."

"But how will I know if I make the right choice?" Keith asked, voice thick with emotions.

"How do I know that the choice I make is the correct one for everyone and that I don't end up like Zarkon?"

"You don't." Coran deadpanned.

"Zarkon followed what he thought was right, and from his perspective, that seemed like the best choice. The same goes for Alfor." Keith frowned at what the Altean man told him.

"Alfor could've done more to help him, and Zarkon could've done more to listen. In fact, not seeing the signs earlier was one of Alfor's deepest regrets. In a way, you remind me quite of him." Coran said with a fond smile.

"How? Alfor was so kind and wise. He was understanding, the perfect embodiment of a leader." Keith soberly said, continuing to look down.

"A great leader never believes he's a good one. He puts others' needs before himself. He does everything he can for his teammates, and he won't stand for any of them getting hurt." Coran responded, voice as soft as velvet.

"I'm not like that. I want them to be safe, but I keep putting them in danger with my choices, and I'm not even the leader. Shiro is!" Keith said, retracting himself from Coran's hold.

"But he wanted you to succeed him, no?"

"He was delirious with pain. I don't think that counts." Keith said, crossing his arms, nail digging into his biceps.

"Besides look at what happened to the universe because of one man's decision. I can't be the reason-"

"The fault never lies with only one part," Coran said firmly before giving his famous smile.

"In your case my dear Number 4 you have a whole team right behind your back! Ready to drag you down to ground level should you diverge from the mold you all have set up."

Keith smiled, still staring down at the marble white floor.

"Yeah, I have a pretty great team, don't I?" Keith laughed, before looking at Coran.

"Thank you, Coran,” Keith said, voice cracking slightly at the end. “Thank you for everything." He said and hugged the Altean man.

Coran smiled, feeling his own eyes watering at the red paladin's initiation of physical contact. 

"You are very welcome Number 4," Coran said with his beaming smile before it melted into a serious gaze. "If you ever seek guidance or someone to listen, I'll always lend an ear."

Keith didn't respond verbally, but both knew he didn't have to. The tightening of the hug said more than enough.

Keith had found his home. He had found his home and place among his space family. They would protect him, and he would protect them.

"I must say Number 4. I had forgotten how excellent Garla hugs were." Coran said happily as ever while Keith blushed instantly pulling away from the hug.

"Coran, please don't-" Keith said embarrassed.

"Ah, no worries. Not a single soul living or dead will know what happened here." Coran said as the two of them head the all too familiar squeak of a certain mouse.

They two exchanged mildly shocked gazes before their eyes landed on the mouse who was not so innocently looking at them.

Oh no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said that it would be a conversation, but Keithy boy is more of a doer rather than a talker so... Yeah, Coran is the one speaking the most.
> 
> Also speaking of Coran: As much as I love Coran's goofy and playful side, I've always loved his more grown-up and responsible one. He's a very important asset to the team and is a very reassuring and reliable character to have. So yeah, give serious Coran some love too!
> 
> Or that's at least what I like to think. ^^


	6. Change isn't always bad - Allura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allura is conflicted about Keith's return, and they end up bonding in some untraditional way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm back with another chapter! Once again this is lighter, but it has some angst if you really look for it.

Allura was pissed.

It was clear to everyone standing in the room. The reason behind her hostility was none other than; Lotor, prince of the Garla empire.

A halfbreed between her own species and her enemy, the Garla empire. He swore he would help her. He swore he "saved" the Altean people, that he reserved them.

It was all one gigantic and gruesome lie.

Lotor, no Lo-turd as Lance so elegantly put it, drained them for quintessence, much like his father. He raised them for slaughter, like cattle for a butcher.

Brainwashed them into thinking of him as their savior, while pulling them further and further away from their culture. They couldn't even use their own technology!

Romelle, an actual Altean only escaped due to her being lucky that Keith found her.

Speaking of Keith...

Allura looked at him with conflicted eyes. She knew him, or she knew the boy who first joined them as the hot-headed and impulsive paladin. However, that Keith seemed... gone. His temper had long since vanished and he was patient like Shiro, but at the same time different.

Allura still had mixed feelings about him. She knew how dedicated Keith was to his cause. What boundaries he would push to get where he wanted. How pure-hearted he truly was, and how he would always put someone's needs before his own.

It was a comfort, however, Lotor had shown her that getting comfortable isn't always what it seems like. So yes, she was still conflicted. Trapped between what she knew and what she experienced.

Lotor, a man she trusted, had used her. He turned out to be a completely different man than what she initially first thought, and Keith. Keith was different.

He had changed.

After being gone for two spicolian movements, which had apparently been two whole deca-phoebe's for him, he came back completely different. So cooled down and confident. So much stronger and wiser. Older.

So incredibly changed.

Allura wasn't sure if it was good or not if she liked it or not.

Allura knew better than lump him together with the Garla's that worked for the empire. She knew better than to lump Keith together with Lotor. Still, it was so hard for her to trust someone, especially with the betrayal so fresh in mind-

"A... lurra... Allura? Are you okay?" Allura jumped, at the familiar voice. At least that hadn't changed about him.

"Huh? Y-yeah. I'm fine, thank you, Keith." She said, pulling a white hair lock behind her ear, facing the former paladin. 

She frowned at that. Former, didn't seem right in her mind. It didn't feel accurate. Keith was still a paladin in her mind or at least she wanted him to be.

Keith looked at Allura with a sullen look. Something was bugging the princess, and he had a pretty good guess that it had to do with the platinum blond Garla Prince. Taking his chances, Keith spoke.

"You sure? Is it because of Lotor?" Allura subconsciously bit her lip. Always so straight to the point without any sugar coating. It was nostalgic in a way.

"Wh- What makes you say that?" She asked, voice a little unsteady. Allura cursed internally, she'd almost forgotten to respond. What would Coran think of her?

"No offense princess, but you... eh... You've kinda starred at the Lotor's unconscious body for 10 vargas." Keith said, as Allura sighed and looked down.

"I- Yes... I guess I can't hide it." Allura said not making any eye contact with him.

She couldn't look Keith in the eyes. Fearing that if she did, she'd look into the eyes of a stranger.

A couple of ticks of uncomfortable silence passed before anyone said something. Surprisingly it was Keith who decided to break it.

"Hey, I don't know if this helps, but... that throw you did. It was pretty awesome."

Allura looked up at him, before averting her eyes. 

"Really?" She asked, thinking about it for a tick or two. "I guess it was quite amusing." She concluded with a small smile.

"Yeah, I mean he bounced. You've got to be quite strong to be able to make a man like him skip two times on the floor." Keith said, looking over at Lotor's unconscious body. The Garlan prince hadn't moved a single spot since Allura all to gently put him there, by throwing him over her shoulder like a ragdoll.

Keith almost envied her for it. The move was indeed impressive. Sure he knew he was an excellent fighter. However, stabs and swings just didn't cut it. They just lacked the effect of throwing someone mercilessly over one's shoulder.

In all honesty, he kinda wished he knew how to do it. Knowing how to take on someone of a significantly larger size would be very helpful considering they were fighting gigantic purple aliens.

"Maybe I can teach you," Allura said, finally looking Keith in the eyes, and she swore that his eyes lit up like a child.

Keith looked at her shocked, before trying to suppress his bubbling excitement.

"Really? That would be awesome!" He said, looking as excited as a small puppy as Allura took in a sharp breath.

Shaking her head with a mirthful smile, she nodded. "Very well, follow me."

The princess walked over to the Garla prince's limp body and picked him up by his hand.

She should've seen it sooner, Allura thought and looked at Keith. Who was currently studying the knocked out Lotor. The difference was as clear as the Drazan's clearest Clear Day.

Allura would smack herself in the face if Keith wasn't there. Honestly, how could she have been so blind?

Keith wasn't a two-faced dictator like Lotor. Keith was still Keith. Maybe older, but he had the same values, same passion, same core.

Still the bright and fiery spirited red paladin of Voltron. Keith had the passion of the red lion, probably always would, but it was under control. Like it was evolving to something vaster and more experienced. Freer and softer and less restrictive and impulsive.

Almost like the black lion. Allura shook her head and focused on the task at hand; teaching Keith how to throw someone.

"Now, you can throw him with another grip, but holding his arm would be the easiest." She said and went into a pre-trow position, with her legs in a wide stance. Behind her Lotor's body lumpy laid.

The prince felt so much lighter now. Maybe because a weight of disgust and aprehensión had been lifted off her. Or the fact that he wasn't conscious.

"It's important that you use the strength in your legs, and not just your back and torso. Garla's are quite solidly built, therefore it's important to not put too much strain on one place." She said as Keith nodded, copying her movements beside her.

Allura paused for a tick.

Throwing an unconscious body? Was she really going to do that? Could she do that to him? He was still-

No.

Lotor kept the whole thing a secret up until 3 varga's ago, and it was clear that he intended to keep it as such. He reduced the advanced and proud Alteans to a people who not only were unable to use their own technology but to a people who worshiped their own capturer.

She believed the Terran term was; Stockholm syndrome, and that of a very widespread level.

So throwing him was completely justified in her eyes. If he got hurt they could always trap him in the healing pod and hold him there in freeze mode until they knew what to do with him.

With no further thoughts or warnings, she mercilessly threw him over her shoulder. Repeating what had happened not too long ago. This time, however, he bounced higher. A lot higher.

*Crack*

... Maybe a little too hard? Allura didn't have any time to think about it. When Keith had picked up the limp body, Lotor let out a groan but stayed unconscious.

"He didn't break anything, but I think you might've cracked his armor," Keith said, after a further inspection of the Garla prince.

Deeming him safe to throw without putting him in a life-threatening position, Keith threw him over his shoulder.

He bounced three times. 

It was lower than Allura's, but he did make Lotor bounce more.

"Hmm... Not bad, he bounced quite high, still, I think I did it better." Allura said, nodding as Keith looked at her with a smirk.

"Really, princess? How about you show me then?" He said and did a mock bow. Gesturing to the slightly bruised prince.

"With pleasure." She said and grabbed ahold of Lotor again.

With that, the two continued on their little competition.

* * *

"What's going on here!? Are we under attack!?" Shiro asked, as looked all around the room. Almost expecting to see a Garla warship.

Following hot in his heels was Romelle and Krolia, with the rest of the Paladins. Everyone looked equally alarmed and ready to fight.

"Ah, Shiro you do not have to worry, we were just-" Allura said, but was interrupted by Keith dropping Lotor's body with a loud thud.

"Allura was teaching me how to throw a body so it bounces and it turned into a competition," Keith said, feeling a little pressured by the look Shiro gave him.

In a flash, Krolia grabbed a hold of both of Keith's shoulders and looked him directly in the eyes. He gulped as his mother unwavering gaze.

He was in deep trouble alright. Keith had lived long enough with her to know what that look meant. He really had to be careful or else-

"Did you win?" She asked, more serious than Keith had even seen her.

...What? 

Giving the past 30 Vargas a thought over, he gave his reply. "I... I don't know. I think we tied?"

"...Tied? How?" Krolia asked, still holding him in a vice grip, yellow eyes narrowing as she scanned her son.

"Allura, made him bounce the highest, but I made him skip the most?" Keith said, as his mother finally released the hold she had on him. Giving him a satisfied nod.

The paladin's sweatdropped at the interaction.

Of course, the mother of Keith was more worried about winning than the fact her son and the Altean princess had repeatedly thrown the unconscious body of the Zarkon's son like he was a rock in a stone skipping competition.

Garla moms, go figure.

"Erm guys? Should we put him in the healing pod? He looks slightly... eh... beaten up." Hunk said, looking at the disfigured purple body on the floor.

Behind him, Shiro couldn't help but agree. The prince had seen better days, that was for sure.

"Nah, he'll be fine," Lance said, waving his arm dismissively as everyone in the room looked at him in slight shock.

The room fell completely silent, as they all blinked at him. Pidge and Hunk, however, snickered slightly, very much aware of Lance's dislike for Lotor.

"Oh come on! Sendak survived being ejected into space! I think prince, not so pretty-boy over here will survive. Besides, he was lowkey- No not even lowkey. He's a quiznaking jerk!" Lance finished, and the reactions to his rant came instantly.

"So true."

"Fair point."

"You got no complaints from me."

"True."

"A valid point."

"Agreed."

"Definitely."

"Anyone hungry?" Hunk asked as every head turned towards him, much like they had done with Lance.

"What? Look, I don't know about you guys, but after this whole 'finding out Lotor's the bad guy,' betrayal thing, I'm sort of hungry."

With that said, Krolia, Romelle, and the rest of the team Voltron went into the kitchen for a meal.

Saying a little behind, Keith and Allura shared a bright and evil smile. They certainly had a pretty good bonding time. Keith walked towards the kitchen, while Allura stayed behind looking at his disappearing frame.

Keith being truly evil or being a megalomaniac?

Not in a million years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lotor is... Lotor. He had good intentions, but what he did was messed up. Then again his father was Zarkon so it is to be expected he would turn out slightly... eh, you know what I mean.
> 
> I think the next chapter is gonna be Krolia, so be prepared for some more serious angst. We all know Keithy boy has some issues regarding his identity. So yeah... that poor boy. 
> 
> I'll see you then!  
> ^^


	7. Facing your emotions can be hard, but it's sometimes exactly what you need - Krolia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith is conflicted about his position both as a paladin and his past. Luckily Krolia is there to help him face it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah... Keith is finally confronting his abandonment issues.

Keith couldn’t believe it. After 17 long years of bubbling with anger, hurt, grief, and general confusion he could finally get rid of all his conflicting feelings. His mom, his actual mom, and not some foster home caretaker was right there with him.

However, despite being relieved over finally getting to meet her Keith was still conflicted. Sure she had left him because she believed it to be the best way to protect him. And sure she put herself and her general mission in potential jeopardy too. Keith knew what that said about her as a person. That his mother, Krolias was kind, loyal, and beyond protective over the things the valued.

Even so, that didn’t change his emotions. At least not yet. 

While she had been gone Keith had gone through enough hardships for a lifetime.

Life had never been kind to him. First, his mom left him, then his father died in a fire. After that, he got taken in by an orphanage and lived there along with several other miserable children until he got a scholarship with the Garrison.

Keith cringed. Even though he had experienced death up close and personal the garrison was by far his worst experience. First, it was James who for some reason wouldn’t stop bugging him, then the professors who called him a discipline case, then Iverson, and eventually... Shiro with the Kerberos mission.

Going through all the pain once was agony, going through it twice with a spectator due to a warped space and time continuum was pure torture.

However there were some things that weirdly enough made it better for Keith, and that grounded him whenever those flashes would come.

One was that he was older and held the knowledge that these events had already happened. Two that he’d come to terms with most of them and that Earth was lightyears away. Finally, three, the most important for him; he wasn’t alone in dealing with his feelings, because he had both the space puppy and Krolia there with him. 

He might not be okay right now, but he could feel himself slowly heal.

* * *

Krolia was proud despite not feeling like she had the right to be- because maybe she didn’t. Maybe that right was lost when she decided to leave Earth. A decision that resulted in leaving the love of her life and her husband behind. However with Keith here, and right in front of her, it was hard not to feel the warm and blooming feeling of pride.

Her little kit, her little boy had grown into a fine young man. Although he did have some less attractive traits such as any other living creature had, he was perfect in her eyes. Hardworking, strong-minded, cunning and quick-witted and his most admirable trait; his loyalty. Krolia had truly been gifted with an amazing son.

In her mind, she also added a note to thank Shiro for being there for Keith when she and her husband couldn't. If what she saw was true, she owed quite a lot up to the older teen for having Keith grow up to be the fine man he was.

Looking beside her she let out a small sigh. Curled up with the new space puppy in a black and blue lump was Keith. His mouth was slightly parted and his chest although almost unnoticeable rose and fell with rhythmic intervals. In a way, he looked so much younger than 19. 

A frown furrowed on Krolia’s face. Keith along with the other paladins was far too young to be caught up in the war against the Empire. He was barely legal by earth standers, and by Garla standers he was barely older than a small child.

Shaking her head, Krolia turned her attention towards the small fire. She didn’t know whether or not it was cruel for Keith to be the red lion’s pilot. His father had died in a fire after all. 

Once again the feeling of fondness and pride swelled up in her chest as she looked towards Keith again. Her little kitling was so strong and brave. He’d been through so much, but he was still capable of great kindness and compassion.

All she could do now was to hope and pray that life wouldn’t do anything to break him. That it wouldn't take away his last remains of childlike innocence and mercilessly crush it.

A crack brought her out of her mind. Looking at her hand the stick she had used to fix the fire had several cracks in it. Krolia sighed and threw it in the fire, watching as the flames enveloped it slowly turning it to ashes.

While she watched it crumble she made a promise to do everything in her power to protect Keith. Not only from outside dangers but internal as well.

Having gone through that much at such a young age left scars. As much as Keith loved to hide it, Krolia still picked it up. One could call it mother senses, but she knew that in between the conflicting emotions, he was hurting and not because of her.

Still, Krolia didn’t push nor ask about it. She didn’t have the right to do it. Only once Keith had fully accepted her would she try to probe deeper. But until that day came, she would give as much support she could from afar, even though it killed her on the inside.

However long it took, however long she’d have to wait, she would be patient. Not interfere, but let him come to his own terms with everything.

* * *

Keith had spent five months on the back of the space whale. Almost half a year went by before his mind started to betray him. Keith knew that time and space were warped in the quantum abyss. He knew that on the outside time flowed differently, but it did nothing to help him battle the traitorous part of his mind.

In between flashes of both the past and the future Keith could feel how his mind slowly started crumbling under stress. Adding to that were his own anxiety, and suppressed anger. Krolia, she was there with him, and he was immensely grateful for that. They’d opened up a lot during their time, and she started to feel like family. Well, both her and the space wolf they’d adopted. 

However, he couldn’t get rid of the traitorous voice that kept going on. Loudly voicing out his worst fears despite it only being in his own mind. Keith didn’t fear a lot of things, but the thought of being abandoned always scared him.

_‘Voltron has left you behind. Shiro has left you behind.’_

It’s not true, he knew that much. They let him go because they knew he had to find himself.

_‘Half a year has passed and they haven’t even sent someone to look for you.’_

Time flows differently here, due to the intense gravitation. Besides they’re busy and have more pressing issues to take care of.

_‘Those are just excuses and you know it.’_

No! They’re not. It’s the truth.

_‘Then how come none of them protested when you were leaving?’_

Keith froze. He couldn’t come up with a response to it. Or at least a response he wholeheartedly believed in.

_‘See? They knew it was for the best. Knew that you only caused them problems.’_

NO!

_‘You’re just a hotheaded disciplinary case and they knew it.’_

No!

_‘You only slowed them down.’_

No, I didn’t…

_‘Face it! They abandoned you!’_

No…

**_‘Shiro abandoned you. He saw the chance to get rid of a nuisance and he took it.’_ **

It was the final blow to Keith’s sanity. Gripping his hair tightly he pulled and let out an agonizing scream. Fear, sadness, and pain mixed into a gut-wrenching wail that echoed throughout the camp.

Instantly the space wolf woke up and growled while it scanned the area for any potential threats. When it found none it looked towards its master. The wolf’s ears pulled back as it let out small whines trying to vert Keith’s attention, which didn’t work.

Gathering up energy it decided to go for the next best thing; It's a master's parent.

* * *

Krolia was on her way back from gathering sticks to feed the fire when the most bone-chilling wail echoed through the woods. It sounded like a wounded animal. 

She didn’t get to give it any more thought as the cosmic wolf appeared right in front of her. Krolia dropped the sticks in surprise, but before she could bend down to gather them the wolf grabbed a hold on her arm and teleported them.

Slightly disoriented by the sudden shift in scenery Krolia stumbled away from the teleporting space puppy. It was unusual for the space wolf to teleport them without a good reason, so Krolia was slightly worried.

An ear-piercing scream rang through the area. It sent chills down Krolia’s spine. Raw and unfiltered, she could hear every dark and negative emotion in it. Fear, loss, sadness, pain, anger, hurt, but most of all pure agony.

The realization hit Krolia hard. She knew the owner of the anguished voice. It was her son! 

Krolia couldn’t have gotten there any faster, even with the space wolf. Upon arriving at the camp Krolia was meat with a sight she would never forget. It shook her to her very core. She sucked in a gasp as tears welled up in her eyes. 

Her son was right in front of her, gripping his hair in agony as he let out loud and ugly wails.

Krolia flung herself at her son’s side. It didn’t matter to her that she broke her own rule to not interfere in Keith’s personal and intimate life. Her son needed her.

Krolia was about to say something. Calm him down, distracting him with her voice, but Keith spoke first.

“No. No! No no no no no no!”

“NO!”

“STOP IT!”

“It's not true!”

Keith lashed out, a clawed arm suddenly swinging past her cheek. Krolia let out a surprised gasp at the sudden violent swipe, not soon later she could feel her blood trickle. Keith hadn’t registered it, hadn't noticed that she even was there, right in front of him.

“THEY DIDN’T LEAVE ME!”

Krolia froze, eyes wide open. A wave of guilt swept through her body before she forced it away. This wasn’t about her, it was about Keith.

“Keith?” She tried, carefully putting her arm on his shoulder. It wasn’t registered as Keith suddenly began to thrash around. Pulling and almost clawing at his ears while he screamed.

“Keith! Stop! You’re hurting yourself!” 

Krolia was on him in a second pinning him down under her. She wouldn't let him hurt himself. Krolia didn’t know what it was that haunted him, but she had a pretty good idea. She bit her lip, guilt gnawed at her. If she hadn’t left him, if she had just been there for him then this wouldn’t have happened.

The thrashing eventually died out, but Krolia was still reluctant to loosen her gip in fear of Keith staring to claw at himself again. She waited for him to calm down further. A painfully long amount of time passed before Keith finally stopped.

“Keith? Are you-” Krolia stopped herself as she saw the glistening tears in his gray-blue eyes. She got off him in an instant.

Keith slowly sat up, back resting against the cave wall, eyes downcast. Krolia nodded a small nod taking it as a sign to leave. Let him sort out his own thoughts. Just as she was about to walk out of the cave Keith spoke.

“Mom” Krolia froze, before slowly turning around to face him. “Please… please don’t leave me.” Keith’s voice was raspy and thick with emotion. 

Tears welled up in her eyes while a soft smile covered her face. It was the first time Keith has ever called her mother. Taking a tick to let the feeling set in her chest, she nodded and walked back to him. Sitting down in front of him, Krolia gently caressed his chin. Keith didn’t flinch, which was a good sign.

Krolia continued to give him comfort. She didn’t ask why he suddenly broke down, and she didn’t pry. All that mattered to her was to give Keith comfort. To be there for him when he needed someone.

* * *

Several days had passed since Keith’s breakdown. Since then, Krolia hadn’t mentioned a single thing about it. It wasn’t her right to ask him to open up. She did, however, have an idea of what it was about.

_“THEY DIDN’T LEAVE ME!”_

Krolia bit her lower lip while attending the fire. Keith had abandonment issues. A keep everyone at an arm's length mentality had clearly settled into his mind. From one of the flashes she’d gotten, she could see him pulling away from Voltron.

The intention was clear. Yes, he did want to be a part of the mission, that much was clear. However, there was a hidden intention to it. A more destructive one that said; _I have to leave before they leave me. In that way, I won’t get hurt._

A shadow was cast along the cave wall indicating that Keith had returned. He carefully placed down the food he’d gathered. Krolia looked up at him. Keith held himself in a way that screamed discomfort. He was tense, stance awkward and his arm rubbed the other in a nervous way.

Krolia didn’t comment on it, didn’t keep her gaze on him either. She wouldn’t push him to talk to her. Keith calling her mom, even though it was only one time was more than enough for her. Krolia didn’t want to break what little progress they’d made. She didn’t want to violate any more trust.

“Mom?” 

It was spoken unsurely, voice slightly shaking. Krolia let her gaze slowly meet Keith’s. She could see how his posture slightly tensed when her eyes met him. 

“I… I eh-'' Keith stuttered out not knowing how to formulate the sentence he wanted to say. “I- I wanted to talk to you. About… the incident, you deserve to know what it was about.”

Krolia put her arm out in a halt motion, making Keith suck in a gasp. She gave him a soft and almost sad smile. “Keith, you don't have to push yourself to tell me. It’s okay.”

“NO!” Krolia flinched at the loud rebuttal. “No, it’s not! You’re my mom, and I want to be able to talk to you.”

“But Keith, I haven’t-”

“I know. You left me alone for 17 long years, and you would probably have stayed gone if you could.” Keith said, making her flinch. It wasn’t said in an accusing tone, but rather a soft and understanding one.

“You wanted to protect me… protect dad. You wanted us to be safe and away from the empire and now- That you’ve met me, you’re punishing yourself for it.” Keith said as he sat down beside her. “Because you don’t feel like you have the right to.”

Keith grabbed a hold of Krolia’s hand, blue-gray eyes met violet as he spoke. “But you do, you have every right to act like a mom. I was- still am naive. I realize now that I can’t hold you to human standards, because you have a different one. Leaving me… dad behind. That was the toughest decision a Garla could ever make.” Looking at her son, Krolia could feel how tears slowly formed.

“So Krolia, mom. I want us to be family, not just by blood, but in relation to.” 

With that, Keith hugged her. It was slightly awkward at first before they practically melted into each other.

Krolia held onto her son as he emptied out his worries, fears, and anxieties. Most of them were regrettably about being forgotten, neglected or left behind. Being of no use, and obstacle, or a discipline case. The fear of him handicapping the team with his rash decisions or compromising a mission because he let his emotions get the best of him. He laid everything on the table, as Krolia kept embracing him. Letting Keith empty out all the emotional baggage he had been carrying for the past 17 years.

Krolia would let him finish talking before tightening the hug for comfort or reply verbally. Once in awhile, Keith would let some tears fall, but every time he did, Krolia would be there for him to dry them away. Every time he would talk about his insecurities and flaws she would reassure him, and it filled him with a warmth he hadn’t known he’d longed for.

A mother’s love.

So yes, despite being lightyears away from his friends and space family. Or trapped in the violent area of space that was the Quantum Abyss, Keith finally felt at peace with everything.

He knew who he was, where he’d come from. He knew who his mom was and the real reason she’d left him all those years ago. 

The intensity of the fire in him burned as bright as ever, but it was softer now. He no longer had the scorching feeling of having to belong somewhere. He had found a family in space, both Voltron and finally after 17 long years his mom.

Keith and Krolia stayed in each other's arms during the night, both finally feeling at peace with everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter because I felt like this was something that was sort of "missing" from the main storyline of Voltron. Keith has as we know some issues with being abandoned and with being away for two years without a single message form Voltron. let alone Shiro would probably affect him, despite knowing that time flows differently in the Quantum Abyss. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you liked it!  
> Once again English is not my first language so I'm sorry if this is badly written, grammatically or story-wise.  
> So yeah, sorry about that. Despite that fact, I still hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Also: It killed me that I couldn't write Kosmo, because he didn't get that name until after Keith meets up with the paladins again. Poor bby space wolf. TT


	8. You are not expendable - Matt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mathew Holt was known for being a highly intelligent, dorky and overall awesome brother. When being met with other people's problems he usually stays impassive. However, when Keith decided to pull off a kamikaze stunt, the oldest of the Holt siblings refuses to be on the sideline anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as the show never confronted the Naxzela problem, I along with many other authors on Ao3 decided to give him some sort of closure. Personally I don’t believe Keith would be comfortable with the others knowing. Therefore I wrote some Mat and Keith bonding. My headcanon is that he'll tell them at a later point when he's come to terms with everything himself.

Matt would kill him. Matthew Holt would have killed him if it hadn’t been so god damn counterproductive. Had it been any other person in the whole wide universe it might have had an effect, but no. Because of course, Keith Kogane had a martyr complex. Which rendered Matt’s threats of potential death completely and utterly useless against him.

The ex-paladin turned Marmora agent was messed up in the head. Whether it was the stupid saying of the Marmora, _the mission is more important than the individual_ or the war itself Matt didn’t know. In truth, he didn’t really want to know either.

However, what Matt knew he would do was to let Keith pass off the incident as if it was nothing. 

No way in hell.

He was gonna confront the kid and nothing and no one would stop him. He had the power of god and anime on his side. Nothing in the whole wide known universe could stand in his way. Matt was making sure of that.

* * *

Team Voltron was currently chilling in the lounge after the intense mission. Naxzela had, after all, _almost_ cost them their lives. Not only that, but it could have wiped out so much as ten solar systems if Lotor hadn’t stopped it.

The mission briefing had been cut short. None of the members of Voltron or the Voltron coalition felt up for a prolonged meeting. Kolivan had excused himself and left the castle to take on more Marmora duties, and as much as Matt would like to stop him, he knew he couldn’t. Yelling at Kolivan wouldn’t help him or Keith. It would only make it worse.

Keith didn’t like being the center of attention. Yelling at Kolivan would do that very exact thing, and with how Keith looked and acted… Matt didn’t think he was stable enough for that.

Looking at the paladins, Matt was a little bit confused. The atmosphere had shifted.

Without Keith, the team seemed more on edge, more ready to get into arguments, and more dysfunctional. So with that in mind, it was weird that they all had agreed to let him go. Heck, Shiro of all people had agreed to let him go. So much for the famous paladin bond. 

In all honesty, Matt was disappointed. Keith would die for his team, yet none of them truly treated him as a teammate. Sure the paladins lived and ate together, and sure they talked to each other, but there was a sense of coldness when it came to Keith.

The teasing was always crueler in nature. When checking up on each other they always brushed off Keith saying _“He’s fine,”_ or _“He’s Keith. He always pulls through.”_

It honestly made Matt's blood boil.

Half-Garla or not, Keith was born and raised human. Keith thought, acted, and behaved just like any other of them. Hell, sure he was stoic and somewhat aloof, but Keith still had emotions. He wasn’t some warrior third-wheeling doll they could use whenever they saw it fit. He wasn't a callgirl for fucks sake.

Sure Keith chose to leave with the blades for a while, but that didn’t give them any right to cut all contact with him. Matt remembered when he met up with Keith before the Naxzela operation. They had a small chat about their experiences in space when Matt had asked how being a blade worked with being a paladin.

_“I’m not a part of the team anymore.”_

_“What!?”_

_“After I walked out, or… resigned they haven’t contacted me.”_

_“You mean- You haven’t had any contact with them since you left?”_

_“Outside of missions? No, not really. Only when they call Kolivan, but other than that. No.”_

_“That can’t be! I mean, common. Not even Shiro?”_

_“No… Shiro- Shiro’s been… busy. It’s okay, really.”_

That was complete and utter bullshit if the wounded look on Keith’s face was anything to go by. Matt honestly thought it would've been better if Keith had impaled him with his own staff than displaying such a defeated look.

It had crushed him. Not having any contact with his team. Matt knew how much Keith valued the small ties he had with people. Because other than that, he had nothing. Matt knew especially how much his so-called teammates meant to him. However, it was clear that they didn’t think the same. Respect was apparently only a one-way thing with the paladins.

All Keith had ever wanted, was to have something or someone stable. To have some who would be there for him. To not have to deal with everything alone for once in his life, and Matt knew that. He knew how much Keith had gone through. He also knew how much Shiro meant to him.

Heck, Shiro himself knew how much he meant to Keith. The man had cried on his shoulder _several_ times because he was afraid of hurting Keith. Shiro had spilled tears because he wanted Keith to be happy, and was afraid of messing up. Matt knew that Shiro wanted Keith to have someone to rely on. To feel wanted and safe with.

So to hear the Takashi Shiorogane. The golden boy of the Galaxy Garrison, mother hen, and the worst doting brother in history- hadn’t contacted Keith.

It was outrageous!

Had it not been for the utterly broken way Keith held himself after telling him, Matt wouldn’t believe it.

Shiro, of all people, hadn't contacted Keith. Shiro! Who would run track down the Garrison nurse the second Keith so much as let out a sneeze! Who would bend and break the strict Garrison rules just to cheer Keith up when he had a bad day. Even after he had gotten scolded by Iverson or Sanda. 

It almost sounded like Keith had been describing someone else entirely, and if Matt was completely honest, it kinda did.

Matt’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Shiro. Sure the man seemed friendly like he did when they were prisoners and sure he’d been thrilled when they met up again, but something didn’t feel right. It was hard to pinpoint exactly, but Shiro felt different.

Of all the people in the known universe, Shiro would be the first one to pick up on Keith's behavior. Heck, one didn’t even have to know the guy in order to sense that he wasn’t okay. 

Keith looked utterly crushed.

With a huff, Matt pushed himself off the wall and walked towards Keith. Said boy sullenly watched the paladins interact with dull eyes. Keith was inside their friend circle, but not as close as the rest of them were. When Matt came into their sight he was met with beaming faces. Matt curled his fists tightly. The nerve of these people.

“Matt!”

“Hey!”

“Wassup?”

“Good to see you.” 

Katie, on the other hand, flung herself at him. Her brown eyes twinkled as she spoke. “Matt! Matt! We won! It’s amazing! The empire- We freed one third from the Empire!”

Matt nodded. “That’s great Katie,” he said and slowly pushed away from her hands.

“Matt? What’s-”

Matt ignored her. Sure it was rude of him to brush off her excitement. However, he was disappointed. Katie of all people, albeit he didn’t like it, should know what it’s like to be and how it feels when someone leaves you. 

So no, he honestly didn’t have time for her. Especially when she was part of the reason or contributing factor to Keith’s extremely low self-esteem.

Matt had more important matters to attend to than to cheer his little sister up. After all, his younger unofficially adopted brother had up and almost gone through with a kamikaze move.

Soundlessly he grabbed a hold on the boy’s bicep and dragged him behind him. The worst of it all, Keith didn’t even put up a fight. He had flinched at the sudden contact, but after that Keith had just followed him. 

Matt bit his lip in vexation. Had he pulled the same move back at the Garrison, Keith would've made a scene. Maybe not scream or kick like a toddler, but he would certainly protest. Now, Keith just accepted that he was needed and gone with it.

“Matt! Where are you going!?”

“Yeah! Why are you taking Keith?”

“Erm… Guys? Maybe we should just-”

“Matthew Holt! Answer me right now! You can’t just-”

Matt had pissed off Katie all right, but he had more important matters to attend to than his sister's feelings. Keith was just as much a family member has Katie was, and the boy was currently in a very bad place.

The automatic doors shut behind them, turning the confused and somewhat angry shouts to muffle background noise. Keith hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t looked up at Matt nor his ex-team. Matt let out a sight. This was gonna be a long day for sure.

* * *

The blue light from the particle barrier dimly reflected in the blade’s dark suits. Somehow Matt had managed to convince the black lion to not only let him in the cockpit but also have it’s particle barrier up. The red lion had activated its own barrier. Why it had Matt wasn't completely sure.

Keith hadn’t talked to him, but he had mumbled something out every now and then. Matt guessed that the lions were speaking to him. The particle barrier around the black lion deactivated, but the red lion stayed up. Shining ever so bright.

“Why did you take it down? I spent half an hour convincing the black lion to put it up.” Matt whined. The overly dramatic action earned him a scoff and an almost unnoticeable smile.

“Red’s a distraction. The other will try to coax her to let them in. It’ll give us some more time. That’s what you wanted, right?”

Matt’s jaw dropped. Keith Kogane had made a sound and thought out plan. He knew that the other would most likely believe him to seek comfort in the red lion rather than the black one. So to use her as a distraction- It was brilliant!

Had it been any other situation Matt would've asked the cliche question; Who are you and what have you done with Keith? 

Instead, he thought _‘Just how much have you been through? How much have you been forced to change?’_

With a small sigh, Matt let out a small sigh. “Yeah, you’re right. Smart move, wish you would've done the same on Naxzela.”

Matt saw the moment Keith figured it out. The moment his intentions were made clear Keith froze. 

_‘Patience_ ,' Matt told himself as he waited. When dealing with Keith, he had to let Keith respond first. In hindsight, Matt knew he should have opened softer. However, Keith was smart.

Although the boy wasn’t the best with words, he understood them, and the underlying meanings better than anyone Matt had ever met. It was something he had picked up when he was younger, as regretfully as that was.

Keith curled his fists, his luscious hair bangs covered his face. “It’s fine… Lotor saved us. I’m alive now, so it’s fine Matt. Really.” Matt’s veins burned with frustration.

“Like hell it is Keith!” 

So much for the patience, Matt thought as the name echoed in the cockpit. For the first time since Matt grabbed a hold of him, Keith actually looked at him. His eyes were wide in shock and confusion before they dulled out again.

“Matt, really. It’s fine. I’m fine. You don't have to-”

“Damn it, Keith! No!” Matt snapped, as Keith, poor beggarly Keith actually looked confused.

“No?”

This boy. Was he serious?

“NO! It’s not okay! Got it?” Matt said, restraining himself from shaking the boy. Keith looked at him wide-eyed, mouth opening and for a small second, Matt thought he understood him. Understood the message he was trying to convey, but hope that quickly died when Keith closed his mouth and tilted his head confused.

Oh for the love of-

“You can’t just sacrifice yourself and brush it off!”

“But Matt. The laser was useless! If I hadn’t- there wouldn’t- Ten solar systems would be wiped out! I can’t just put myself above all of that!” Keith shouted light flickering in his glossy eyes.

“Besides… No one would miss me anyway…" 

It was said as a whisper, but to Matt, it rang out just as loud as the rest of what Keith had shouted. Eyes wide, Keith immediately curled into a ball. Matt didn't miss the true meaning either, the one that was left unsaid. _No one cares about me. I'm not important, just another soldier, just another number among thousand others.’_

“Keith,” Matt said, softly putting a hand on Keith’s shoulder. The boy refused to look at him. With a sigh, Matt moved over and sat down beside him. For a while, the two just sat there listening to the soft bussing of Red’s particle barrier.

“You know? I could’ve told everyone about what you did.” Matt began. Keith looked up from his curled position. Matt stared blankly out the black lion's eyes instead, knowing that if he looked at Keith, the teen would curl in on himself again.

“But I knew that’s not what you would’ve wanted. You’d rather suffer in silence if it meant _they_ could remain oblivious.” Matt said, sneaking a look at Keith. The boy just sat there, eyes trained on the floor.

“Everyone would’ve flooded you, you know? All worried. Heck, you’d probably be banned from ever going with the blades.” Matt chuckled. More silence passed before any of them talked.

“Why? How do you know that?” Keith whispered out, voice cracking slightly.

“Because that’s what friends do.” The sentence plunged the two into another silence. Not an uncomfortable, just a meditative one. Like they were both contemplating all the events that had happened since the battle.

“Look. I know the Blade has the motto; the mission is more important than the individual, but Keith. You’re not just some expandable individual.” The sentence earned Matt a look and a minuscule scoff by Keith.

“Tell that to Kolivan,” Keith said, as Matt leaned his head back against the wall.

“Well, Kolivan can make out with a hypernova.” Matt immediately replied with. “That should lighten him up a little,” Matt said as Keith let out a small chuckle, finding his dark humor amusing.

“In all seriousness Keith. You’re incredible.”

“Yeah, right. I’m nothing special.” Keith said, going back to his sulking. 

“Nothing special?” Matt said, wide-eyed, as Keith looked at him questioningly.

“Nothing special?! Keith are you serious!?” Keith only nodded, as Matt let out a groan. 

_‘This boy’_ thought. ‘ _This boy is denser than the core of a neutron star.’_

“Keith, what are the feats you’ve done back at the Garrison?” Matt asked, eyes looking straight into Keith’s.

“I… I broke Shiro’s record?”

“Plural, Keith. You broke Shiro’s record _s_. What more have you done since then?” Matt asked, as Keith looked down at the floor and mumbled something.

“What?” Matt asked, leaning closer. He honestly started questioning his own hearing when Keith mumbled his sentence out.

“I punched Iverson, and bombed their facility to rescue Shiro.”

Matt couldn't help it. The way Keith said it- deadpanned it. It was too comical. In true Matthew Holt fashion, he threw his head back and laughed.

“Oh man, I knew you disliked the guy but damn.” Calming down he looked at Keith again. His lips were twitching upwards. “After that, what more have you done?”

Keith sent Matt one of his _done_ looks.

“Yeah, you’re right. You told me before the mission. Now listen, I’m gonna list up some things about you-” Keith opened his mouth and Matt said his arm up in a stop motion. “And you’re not gonna cut me off, understood?”

Keith gave a quiet nod.

“Good!” Matt beamed. “Here we go.”

“So, I’m best friends with this guy. His name is Keith Kogane.” Keith rose and eyebrow and Matt made a shushing motion. 

“You see, recently he pulled a damn stupid move, because of some self-esteem issues.” Keith flinched, but Matt swiftly continued. “Which he has no reason for because he’s amazing.”

Keith’s eyes opened in wide disbelief, but Matt chose to ignore it.

“He's a prodigy pilot, a wicked fighter, punched Iverson in the face, bombed the Garrison with homemade bombs he made himself-” Matt looked at Keith who opened his mouth, daring him to speak against him. After a few seconds, Keith closed it, letting Matt continue.

“Rescued Shiro, tracked down the blue lion, won the respect of the red lion, freed the Balmerans, defeated Zarkon, became a super awesome space ninja-" Matt took a large breath of air before continuing his summary of his best friend's accomplishments.

"Won the respect of the black lion and took back one-third of the empire’s territory in one fierce battle.” Finishing his sum up Matt finally turned to look at the boy he had told about.

“Now you tell me, Keith. Does that sound like any other individual?”

Keith opened his mouth to object. He thought it would be easy like it always was, but his mind was blank. He couldn’t find a single rebuttal, because it was the truth. He’d done all those things. There was no way to change that.

“See? I thought so.” Matt said, triumph clear on his face.

“But Matt, I-”

“Don’t you dare, _but Matt me_ after all of this,” Matt said, sending Keith a half-hearted glare. “You are special. You are important. You are loved, and we need you. So take the fucking compliments.” Matt said poking Keith every single time he mentioned something new.

“Fine,” Keith sighed in defeat, but his smile said something completely different.

“There you go!” Matt said just as the hangar door opened. Matt groaned internally, mentally adding to send the team on a wild goose chase the next time he needed to have a serious talk with Keith uninterrupted. 

“Looks like time is up, but remember Keith. You are not just any other individual. You’re important and loved by a lot of people so don’t take your life so lightly. There is no one who can replace you. No One. Ever.”

“Understood?”

Keith was silent once again, eyes looking towards the group of people who almost desperately tried to make Red take down the particle barrier.

“Yeah, I understand.” He said softly.

“And are you okay now? With the whole Naxzela thing?” Matt asked, giving the boy a scrutinizing look.

Keith has a soft smile looking at Lance dropping down on his knees to beg the lion to let them in.

“No, but I will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write this chapter funny and fluffy, however, what Keith attempted to do was/is very serious and really heartbreaking to watch. Therefore I scrapped the idea, because... Well, it says something about him when he’s so willing to sacrifice himself or put himself in danger to save someone else. While it’s selfless it also shows how little he values himself as a person. So, I didn't want to take it too lightly.  
> Then again the fanon Matt is a walking meme, so... Yeah, some minuscule attempt at humor, but not a lot. Because Keith's mental state is more important.  
> #protectthisemoboy


	9. Everyone makes mistakes, but that's okay - Lance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith has doubts about his leadership abilities after the whole toxic planet situation. Lance is there to support him and they have a heartfelt moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for going so long without an update. The whole COVID-19 situation had me thrown off loop with everything that has happened.
> 
> Anyways: As promised, here is the heartfelt Lance and Keith moment! Hope you'll enjoy! ^^

Lance was worried. The team was worried about Keith. During their mission debrief after a small cooldown, Keith hadn’t said a single word. Instead, he had just looked down at the floor with such intensity, like it would swallow him whole if he stared hard enough at it.

After the mission briefing, Keith had just up and left. The half-Garla half-Human leader had said “I’m sorry,” and up and left them.

Post mission briefing was usually their downtime. Their hang out time. Although Keith didn't actively contribute, he always sued to be there with them. It honestly felt like they had been slapped in the face by their own bayard.

Now that he seemingly couldn't even be with them, they all felt guilty.

In fact, they all felt culpable, and it was killing them. What they had done to Keith was horrible and now- Keith was blaming himself for the failure. Which he shouldn't because he wasn't the only one wat fault. They all were.

Keith never wanted to take the lead role. He was never the one to think he was better than anyone. That was the truth Lance and they all got to understand a little too late. Keith caved and gave unconditionally without expecting anything in return. He just went with the flow and let them use him as a tool. No strings or emotions attached.

What they had done was so indisputably wrong.

Keith knew he wasn’t ready for the role, but none of them had given it a second thought. Because all they wanted at that time, was another leader. Another Shiro.

However Keith wasn’t Shiro. He was his own person with his own style and opinions. It wasn’t fair of them to demand him to become Shiro or take his place, but they still forced him to.

In fact not a single one of them had thought about how much Keith was going through.

How much their friend was hurting- could they even call him that? Thinking back at their actions, they were sure anymore.

_“I never wanted to be the leader! That’s just what Shiro wanted.”_

_“I-I can’t accept this.”_

Keith told them, but they wouldn’t listen. None of them even felt guilty during that time. They'd all been desperate. They needed someone to take the lead back then.

_“But Keith, the black lion had chosen you…”_

All it took was one gigantic black lion-shaped superweapon to accept him and they shoved all his feelings inside.

So much for the famous Voltron teamwork.

The most heartbreaking thing about the situation was that Keith just went with it. He hadn’t even protested after that. Keith had just bit his teeth together and tried his best despite suffering through a horrendous heartbreak. It wasn’t until they got back after those horrible incidents on Thayserix, that the thought even hit them.

Keith was human, something that meant he wasn't infallible. He had a breaking point.

Sure Keith had his talents. It didn't take much to see that he was an incredible person. Ace pilot, prodigy fighter and black’s pilot, but… they were all titles given to him against his will. Keith never took any pride in them. Never boasted about them. In fact, Keith often tried to shy away or downplay them.

 _"_ _Pidge is right, I'm the loner."_

Loner. That was the moniker he choose to acknowledge, yet none of them had put a single thought about what it meant.

Loner.

A person who doesn't associate with others. Someone who's on the outside of a group.

Someone who's alone.

Keith never wanted to be at the top of the class. He just wanted to have fun, to feel free, to fly. To for once stopping to have to worry about anyone's expectations. To just for once actually live.

Keith never wanted to fight, but life gave him no other choices. If Keith hadn't fought tooth and nail, well... they wouldn't have a home with them.

Lastly, but certainly not least on the list of things Keith never wanted to be was becoming black’s pilot. The leader of the universe's last hope, a position only born leaders would take.

However to Keith that meant close to nothing. Because to him it was never about showing off, it was about who it was that held the position before him.

Takashi Shirogane.

An idol to many, but the only person who ever genuinely cared about Keith.

Or at least the only one Keith was aware of.

Lance had only come to understand some bits and pieces. It wasn’t much to brag about, but he could somewhat begin to understand how the now black paladin felt. Shiro held the same importance as Lance’s mom, dad, siblings, grandparents, teachers, doctor, and friends.

Shiro was everything in one single person. Keith never idolized him, but he deeply respected him.

A respect that went both ways.

Keith hadn't respect Shiro as the golden boy, or whatever titles people threw at him. There was no hero worship behind it. Keith simply respected Shiro for how caring and genuine he was, for simply being Shiro.

What the two had between them was true. It was mutual, and then they had forced Keith to take Shiro’s position, despite not knowing where he was.

They forced Keith to betray Shiro. To feel like he had given up him.

That was what Lance figured it must have felt like for Keith.

Never meeting one's expectations. The feeling of letting down someone. The feeling of complete and utter failure despite having someone backing you up.

Shiro had taken Keith under his wing. He had helped Keith become who he was. So to feel like he wasn’t living up to those expectations and almost killing himself and the team...

It must’ve almost felt like tearing away everything a bit of Shiro’s kindness and effort right at the seams. Not only that but taking his's position causing Keith to indirectly accept that Sjiro was dead. Not worth searching for.

With that in mind, Lance abruptly stood up from his place on the sofa. It caught the attention of the rest of the team, but he chose to pretend like he hadn’t noticed.

“I’m going to Keith.” He announced, voice stoic.

Lance didn’t need to say anything. One look at his team was all it took for him to see that they all understood what he was going to do. Pidge gave him a smile, but her eyes were almost bringing with tears. Hunk stared at him hopefully. Allura gave him an encouraging smile, and Coran gave him a nod.

“Bring him back to us, and tell him- Tell him we’re all sorry.”

It didn’t matter who it was that said it. They all felt the same way. With that said, Lance walked out of the bridge and towards the dorms.

* * *

_“You almost killed them.”_

_“You almost killed them!”_

_“YOU almost KILLED them!!!”_

The echoes of the past even haunted Keith as he sat down on his bed. Gloved hands were gripping and dragging in his ebony hair locks. He couldn’t take it. He wasn’t meant for leadership as Shiro thought. Just one day in the Black Lion proved it. He had almost killed all of his team.

He had almost single-handedly killed off the universe's only hope.

Oh god… The Team!

How could he ever face them, now? How could he even bring himself to look then in the face after what he almost managed to do? He had led them right into Lotor’s trap like a complete idiot. 

Keith clenched his fists so hard it drew blood, but the pain went unnoticed by the turmoil inside his head.

Lotor.

Keith had fallen completely for Lotor’s trap and now- the Garla prince had probably gotten exactly what he wanted. Keith wasn't sure what it was, but he knew that despite winning the battle, they had lost something valuable.

He should've been better. He should have listened to them. Why didn’t he listen to his team?

Keith’s mind raced with thoughts. Maybe he should just eject himself out an airlock, or perhaps take a pod and strand himself on an uninhabited alien planet where no one could find him.

It wouldn’t matter anyway. He was a failure after all. He couldn't lead anyone, the black lion must've made a mistake. It was probably a side effect of getting shot by whatever corrupted spell Haggar used. He wasn't meant for this. He was just a trouble maker. A discipline case.

A good for nothing half Garla.

Shiro had done so much for him. Sacrificed so incredibly much for him. Time, compassion, devotion, and even happiness, everything was sacrifice just so Keith could make it- Make what exactly?

He certainly couldn't track his best friend and brother down.

In fact, all he had managed to do- All he had done was almost getting the universe’s last hope killed off in the most stupidest way ever.

Keith wanted to scream but denied himself the right to do it. He wanted to hack away something, but he knew it wouldn’t help. Keith knew he couldn’t run away from his emotions or responsibilities. They would always catch up to him in the end. Always.

 _‘I’m sorry Shiro… I couldn’t- can’t be the leader you wanted me to.’_ Keith bit his lips as a single tear rolled down his cheek. _‘I can never be the leader they need me to be. I can’t even- I can’t…’_

_‘I’m just a failure…’_

Too occupied with his own thoughts, the sliding sound of the automatic doors went completely unnoticed. 

“Keith?” Lance’s voice asked, making Keith’s eyes widen. The tone Lance had used, he knew it. The type that came out when someone tried to soften the blow. Lance was here to announce his retirement. Probably even rub it in his face too. The Cuban boy always had enjoyed it whenever Keith screwed up. Relished in it, in fact.

 _‘Here it comes’_ Keith thought, fighting back the tears. _‘They’re gonna kick me off the team.’_

Blue eyes softened as Lance looked at Keith. The Cuban boy's heart clenched in his chest as he stared at the boy who sunken sat on the bed, head dipped in what he could only assume was fear, dread, and anxiety. The scene made Lance feel all the more guilty of his past and most recent actions. 

_‘You did this to him. You all did this.’_ Lance's own voice whispered as he swallowed, waiting for an answer. His skin itched beneath the usually comfy jacket as he stared at Keith. Lance was about to repeat the name but stopped himself immediately when he saw it.

Keith was trembling.

It was so small. Almost unnoticeable, but the older boy’s hands were shaking where they gripped the bedsheet.

Lance let out a small gasp but immediately regretted the action as Keith flinched at it. The Cuban boy swallowed yet another time. He really felt bad about everything. Thinking back he truly hadn’t been anything but mean towards Keith. Sure, maybe one some occasion he was decent, but those instances were incredibly rare. He had basically been a full-fledged bully.

Looking at Keith now he couldn’t help but see anything but a victim. Not only to his torment, but everything life had to give. 

_"Anger is the result of being victimized,"_ his Abuelita had always told him. Looking back, Keith's sudden bursts of anger made sense, and all Lance had done was add more fuel to the fire. He didn't even think of helping Keith.

Seeing something glisten in the light was the last drop for Lance. Without gigging it a second thought, Lance immediately walked up to Keith and hugged him. Another jab to his conscious came when he felt Keith tense up under him.

The boy was terrified.

However, Lance refused to let go. Keith needed this. Out of everyone on team Voltron, Keith was probably the one who needed a hug the most.

Keith was still incredibly tense under Lance’s hold, however, as time passed it slowly eased up. Not completely, but to the degree that it felt like a hug, rather than a one-sided embrace.

“Lance…?” Lance felt another stab to the heart at Keith’s confused yet broken tone. This wasn’t the guy he had a rivalry with. This wasn’t the guy he secretly admired. This wasn’t the Keith that he and all of Voltron had come to know.

This was the sound of a boy who had been through too much. Suffered too much to the point of always expecting the worst outcome. As heartwrenching as it was to accept, this version of Keith- this unsure, timid, scared, and almost broken boy, was the current real Keith.

“Lance, you- You don’t have to pretend anymore. I know what you’re here for.” Keith says, barely above a whisper.

“There’s no need for fake sympathy. You know it’s for the best.”

Lance’s brain froze after the sentence. _“You know it’s for the_ best.”

 _“You know it’s for the best.”_ It wasn't the singular "you," it was the plural form. Keith was referring to all of them. All of Team Voltron.

Keith hadn’t actually meant that… right? He couldn’t possibly think they wanted him to leave Voltron, right?

“Keith? You- What do you mean?” Lance's voice shakingly asked. He had to know for sure. This was a joke, right? It had to be. Keith couldn't leave them.

“What else could I possibly mean, Lance?” Keith bitterly laughed, making the Cuban boy Immediately let go of the hug.

No, no, no. This wasn't happening. Not now, not ever. Keith couldn't leave them. They were a team. They were friends. They were family. Keith couldn't-

"¡Dios mío, Keith! ¡No! ¿Estás hablando en serio ahora mismo? No, espera- Conociéndote, probablemente estas hablando completamente en serio. ¡No te puedo creer!" Lance rambled out completely outraged at the poor boy who just blinked at him confused.

"¡No vas a dejar Voltron!¡No nos puedes dejar!” Lance couldn’t help it. At Keith’s words, he panicked.

Keith couldn’t leave Voltron. He couldn’t leave them.

“Lance? What are you-?” Keith asked, confused. Lance stared at the boy in disbelief before he violently grabbed a hold of the black paladin’s shoulders.

“Keith,” Lance said, voice deep and serious as he stared into Keith’s blue-gray eyes. “You. Are. Not. Leaving. Us.” He said, never breaking eye contact. "Ever."

Lance didn’t know what he expected, maybe an emotional breakdown. Maybe just silent crying? Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t Keith lashing out in what he could only describe as broken anger.

It happened in the blink of an eye. With a quick downwards slash of his arm, Keith freed himself of Lance’s hold. The next second he pushed lance away from him with such force Lance collided with the wall on the other side.

It didn’t hurt physically, not as much as it did emotionally.

Lance didn’t know why, but he found himself sinking down to the floor still slightly in shock. From the other side of the room, he caught a glimpse of Keith’s face before it shifted. His expression had been filled with so much conflict. So much inner turmoil before it shifted. 

Now, it held the look of complete horror.

His expression- No his outburst was the result of their actions. Allura, Pidge, Hunk, Coran, him, and even Shiro. This is what they had done to Keith.

Keith Kogane, the boy who just wanted a happy life, but got denied that very thing by life itself. He had nothing, and thinking back, Keith still had nothing. None of the things that had happened so far had been voluntary.

Lance felt horrible, so much so he was shocked frozen, unable to figure out what to do or say.

Being silent, however, seemed to have been the wrong action.

“I- Oh my god. Lance, I-I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to- you just.” Keith stammered, irises contraction to an almost impossible size, as he looked at the boy slumped against the wall. He looked scared out of his mind.

_‘You hurt him.’_

_‘You hurt him.’_

_‘YOU hurt him!’_

Keith looked down at his hands in fear. They blurred beneath his gaze, swapping from clean looking to blood-stained. He could hear the blood pumping through his veins, feel how his heartbeat increased at an alarming rate.

“K...eith... K-eith…. KEITH!” Keith flinched at the sound of his name and braced himself for pain. However, nothing happened. Eyes still terrified he looked up at Lance, who was right in front of him.

“Lance, I- I’m so-”

“Nope. Not happening. Don’t.” The blue paladin said, tone almost sassy, as Keith looked at him in a mild shock. Seeing Keith’s confusion as the boy tilted his head, Lance continued, this time much more sterner.

“You are not apologizing to me Keith. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

 _‘Nothing wrong...? Nothing wrong?!’_ Keith looked at him outraged. “What are you talking about, Lance!? I almost got you killed!”

Surely Lance had to understand that, right? He couldn't seriously have forgotten what happened at Thayserix.

“No, Keith. We almost got ourselves killed. We. Us. Plural.” Lance said jabbing a finger at Keith. “We weren’t ready to take on a mission. You weren’t ready to be the leader, but _we_ pushed you.” Lance said, arms frantically waving around to somehow emphasize his point.

“But Lance, I drove you into the planet's atmospheres. I separated you from each other! We- You almost died because of me! You all could’ve died because of me!” Keith screamed only to retract one again.

It was clear to Lance, that Keith was scared to lash out at him. To voice his own opinion, because he somehow had deluded himself that he was the only one who was guilty. That he was the only one at fault and therefore the only one to blame.

With that, Lance had enough.

“Will you stop being so egocentric!?" He screamed out, starring Keith right in the eye. "I know I’m probably the last person who should tell you this, but the world doesn't revolve around you.” Lance spat out, eyes glaring at the boy. Not in hatred, but in anger. Lance wasn't angry at Keith, but he was completely livid with the mindset the boy had.

“Wha-What do you mean? How am I egocentric? Have you met yourself!?” Keith snapped back, as Lance opened his mouth preparing a retaliation.

It never came.

“No,” Lance said out loud, barely above a whisper. “I can’t fight you right now. This is serious and _you_ have to hear this. You _need_ to hear this.” The Cuban boy said, pinching his nose. Right now wasn’t the time to lose his cool. He needed to explain, and he needed to apologize, without any snarky jabs.

 _‘You can do this McClain.’_ He thought, clasping both his cheeks hard. The sound made Keith flinch.

“Look, Keith. I’m gonna be real with you, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t interrupt me.” Lance could see how Keith’s mouth opened in protest, but before a single word even left his mouth, Lance stopped him. “I know this is very hypocritical, and I know I’m doing it right now, but please. I beg you man, please listen to what I have to say.”

Lance wasn’t sure what made Keith stop. Maybe it was the sincerity. Maybe it was because he never begged like this, but whatever it was it left the black paladin speechless, mouth gaping like a fish on land. Any other time, Lance would’ve made fun of him, but he needed to make Keith understand that he was serious.

“Okay, look. I know I can be selfish and self observed. Extremely so, but I have my reasons. They might not be good, nor do they justify anything of what I’ve done-” Lance said, fidgeting with his sleeve. “But that’s not important now.”

At that sentence, Lance could see Keith wanting to protest again. So to shut him up, Lance continued to speak.

“You aren’t like me. You don’t have the need to prove yourself to other people like I do. Even when it comes to selfishness, you somehow find a way to make it selfless.”

Keith only blinked at the Cuban boy in confusion.

“Look, I’m not Pidge. I’m not as good with words as I’d like to be, but hear me out. When it comes to feeling guilty and bearing the blame, you always volunteer. If you could take all the blame in the universe, you probably would have.” Lance said, staring right into Keith's blue-gray orbs.

“The world doesn't revolve around you. The things that happened, it’s- You’re not always the cause of it.” Lance said, before letting out a sigh. In a way, he really wished the whole team could be here. However, Lance knew it would probably be more overwhelming and chaotic rather helpful. "Bad things happen whether or not we want it to."

“What I mean is- Take the Thayserix incident for example.” At the mention of the name Keith flinched. “That wasn’t your fault. Not directly at least.” Lance said, placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder.

“We should’ve been a better team. A real team. I know it’s no excuse, well, not as much as it’s an apology, but. We should’ve treated you better.” Lance said, heart-clenching at the complete look of confusion that took place on Keith’s face before he looked down on his lap. "Keith, I'm so sorry."

“We pushed you into a position you never wanted, and then we were the most unorganized team in the whole galaxy. Heck, I even criticized you when you sacrificed so much just to take the lead for us.” Lance said, groaning on the inside. He really wasn’t used to being the one to comfort someone like Keith. Someone who’d only been a victim to others' decisions.

A slave to someone else will.

“What I’m trying to say is, we never really gave you a fair chance. No, we were probably the worst team in existence at that moment. However, you shouldn’t let that define you, Keith.” At that, Keith looked up.

“Look, I know I call you names all the time, and I know they can be downright cruel sometimes. I’m used to having 5 siblings and 2 nephews all around me, so it’s sort of how I show affection at this point. Of course, you don’t have that experience, and it doesn't justify how I’ve treated you either."

“So, what I’m really trying to say is. We have been really shitty teammates, and while you might not have been the best leader-" Lance said and scolded himself a the hurt look Keith has when he said that. "We but more importantly you can't blame yourself,” Lance finished, sneaking a look at Keith.

The poor boy looked completely lost. Like the thought of not blaming himself had been something completely foreign to him.

“I guess we all just subconsciously tried to make another Shiro, and that isn’t fair to you,” Lance said, making sure Keith was still with him. “Keith, you’re not Shiro, and you never will be." Once again, Lance could see how Keith shrunk inn on himself, making the Cuban boy wince.

"You are two separate people and it’s a given that you’ll lead differently too." He said, trying to clarify it.

"But, difference doesn't always mean it's bad." Smiling softly and almost encouragingly Lance said the last part. “You are our leader now, but that doesn't mean you’ve forsaken Shiro either," Lance said, making sure Keith was with him.

"You made a mistake However that mistake doesn't define you,” Lance said, noticing how Keith's eyes got a more glossy sheen to them.

“Lastly I want you to know this. Just because you are the leader, doesn't mean we won’t help you. We're a team, and as the current red paladin, I’ll try to be a better man." Lance said and offered a kind smile.

"After all according to the sentient lion superweapon logic- I’m your right-handed man now, Mullet,” Lance said striking a fake scientific pose.

A couple of seconds passed by, as the two stared at each other. One was slightly embarrassed, while the other was more or less shocked and touched at the same time.

“Wow… Lance, that was- I don’t know what to say.” Keith said the brain is not completely done with processing the new information. 

“Arg, I knew it. I’m not good at this. I’m sorry Keith, maybe I should’ve tried to rephrase it or get someone else to say it. I just- I don't know. It’s just-” Chuckling, Keith placed his own hand on Lance’s shoulder. Effectively stopping him in his rambling.

“No, it’s okay. I think it was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, Lance.” Keith said as the other one smiled an impossibly large smile.

“I guess we can call this a successful bonding moment then?”

At that sentence, Keith stared at Lance completely astonished before his face morphed into a look of pure betrayal.

“You- So you did remember it!? I knew it!” Keith shouted outraged, pointing an accusing finger at the Cuban boy, who had the decency to look ashamed.

“I- Yeah, I did. I was just too prideful back then. I couldn’t show weakness around my rival, you know?" Lance said softly, before looking at Keith. " I’m sorry about that, by the way. The whole rivalry. It was a stupid thing to do.” Lance said twiddling his thumbs. He was still embarrassed at his past self's behavior.

“Maybe, but we all have our fair shares of stupidity. The best thing we can do is learn from them and move forward.” Keith softly said before they both broke out in pure laughter.

“Looks who’s suddenly turned wise now, eh? Team leader.” Lance said, nudging Keith in the side, who half-heartedly brushed him off.

“I don’t know about that, but I’m learning,” Keith responded. “Can’t be outdone by my rival, after all,” Keith smirked, before standing up from his bed and heading towards the door. Leaving a confused Lance on the floor. He wasn’t leaving him alone in his room, right? Not after their emotional talk... right?

“I know you guys are there. Just come out.” Keith said looking at the entrance. Just as expected the whole team emerged from the door. Most of them had puffy red eyes, while Hunk was already a sobbing incoherent emotional mess.

At the sight of his friends, Lance jumped to his feet in shock. Just how long had they been there? How much had they all heard? As the thought hit him, he immediately blushed in embarrassment. Knowing them, they probably heard everything. Which meant… Nope, he didn’t even want to think about it. Not today. Not ever.

“I call a group hug, right now! What do you say?” Hunk asked, arms already spread out and ready to embrace someone. It looked like he would explode any second if he didn't get to hug anyone.

As a response, the yellow paladin got his arms full of emotional paladins.

“We’re really sorry Keith. We didn’t mean to be so dismissive of your feelings.” Allura said while Keith only smiled at her and nodded. He felt too emotionally overwhelmed to give a coherent reply. In fact, he wasn't sure how he kept himself from crying.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too. You were an awesome leader, despite the shitty circumstances Lotor put us in.” Pidge said, eyes already teary.

Yup, his team was actively trying to kill him.

“Agreed man. You’re awesome.” Hunk said as Keith shook his head in disbelief. He truly had an amazing team.

“Thank you, everyone. It really means a lot.” Just as the words left his mouth the hug as impossible as it seemed, tightened even more.

A single tear of happiness bade its way down his cheek, one that Hunk was quick to take notice of.

"Oh my gosh! He's crying- Keith's crying! We broke him." Hunk said in full-blown panic, before turning to the poor boy. "I'm so sorry, man. Please don't be upset," Hunk said immediately letting him go and setting the team off into an apologizing friendly.

"N-no, it's not that. I'm just so happy." Keith laughed out. It wasn't a big loud and boisterous laugh, but to the team, it felt like music. After everything that went down, Keith never laughed like he used to. Never even let so much as a smile slip past him. So to see him smile, let alone laugh a genuine laugh was magical.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah. It turned out longer than I expected. The one-shot turned out more angsty than I first had in mind so I tried to lighten it up at the end. I hope this managed to brighten your day somewhat. Especially when the world is going through a pandemic.
> 
> Btw: If anyone wants to know what Lance said during his smol Spanish rant then it's basically this: "Om my god, Keith! No! Are you serious right now? No, wait- Knowing you, you're probably completely serious. I can't believe you!" and "You're not leaving Voltron! You can't leave us!"
> 
> I'm not Spanish so it might be wrong. So, feel free to correct me ^^
> 
> Also: As you can probably tell, I'm pretty salty about the whole "make Keith the leader, don't regard his emotional state" situation that went on. I know Voltron is all about saving the universe and teamwork, but when you look back at the team... They're pretty much the opposite. They work together, but they don't exsactly take care of each other emotionally. Or at least not when it really matters. So yeah, I'm salty about that. Especially with how they treated Keith.
> 
> Anwyas, thanks for listening to my mini Ted Talk. I'll see you in the next chapter, whenever it comes out. Hopefully it won't be too long.
> 
> Author out ^^


	10. Know when to hide your emotions, but don’t suppress them - Kolivan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kolivan notices that Keith has been acting strangely and decides to figure out why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for going so long without postings. I recently took up drawing again, so I've spent most of my time on that. Ups. That, and the fact that I had a hard time coming up with Keith and Kolivan's interaction.  
> Hopefully, you find it enjoyable.

Kolivan knew he shouldn’t care. He knew it deep down, that he couldn’t. He was the leader of the Blade of Marmora. He couldn’t be biased. However, with Keith, it seemed impossible to not care. One could say he made excuses to care for the small Terran boy. Then again, who wouldn't?

Anyone who had ever met Keith could see a boy, a kit, a teen who had been through to much. By no means was he weak or broken, but it was clear that he was scared. As if that wasn't enough, he was Krolia's only son, and that had some weight as Kolivan cared for the female blade.

To his own men, however, Kolivan had to justify it by saying it was because he was an ex-paladin of Voltron. Any harm done to him could put their alliance in potential jeopardy. Which would be disastrous in the current war.

However, that didn’t mean Keith was invaluable… or so he’d like to say. There was only one Keith Kogane after all.

Kolivan couldn’t help but frown… more than usual that is. He had lost a great deal in the war against the empire. Good soldiers were slain by generals, warships, and ion cannons. Ulaz was a great soldier, elite even, but like many of his best men, he too had to go.

 _For the greater good,_ was the phase he keept repeating, trying to find any reason for all the loos and pain. This was all a means to the end- to stop Zarkon's reign and tyranny.

Still, it didn't make any of the individual losses easier. The pain still lingered, way after the loss. Each life that was taken, broke a small piece away from his heart every time. However, the sadness he felt for the small hybrid was deeper than that, and he didn’t know why.

Along the road, he could pick up small signs. At first, he brushed them away as some weird Terran ticks, nothing of any significance. As time went by, he came to understand that these things weren’t normal behavior. At least, none of the Voltron paladin’s showed them.

The sadness Kolivan felt wasn’t his own, not wholly at least. It belonged to the Garla side of him that said to protect the kit, but more importantly- It came from Keith. For some reason the boy was sad. Until Kolivan could figure out the reason why- he knew the hurt wouldn't end. It was his Garla instincts after all. They were never wrong.

Emotions weren’t something Keith actively showed, or at least not in the way he displayed his anger or frustration. Weirdly enough, even those emotions became dulled when Kolivan looked back at it. Something has slowly snuffed them out, but in their place, a new recklessness consumed the kit. It made Kolivan frown. From what he had picked up, this wasn’t normal. Not for Terran’s and especially not for Keith.

Somehow his mind always backtracked to Regris’s death- when he had stopped Keith from going after him.

Kolivan hadn't been in the best of mindset during the mission. Especially not at the end of it. He remembered how his mind had practically screamed at him to _save the boy, save the kit_.

He remembered he had locked himself in his office thinking over the mission. Why his mind decided to think what it did, Kolivan would never know. As well as why he for some reason kept pondering over how Keith would react. There was just something, during that moment right after the doors had closed when he held Keith. Somehow it had felt like something had switched in the boy.

Kolivan wasn't sure what exactly went through Keith’s mind that day. Truthfully he probably never would, but the look the boy had- it was _furious_. At what the boy was angry at, Kolivan could only guess. He expected Keith to blow upon him the next day, a full emotional outburst of rage, disbelief, and grief over the loss of a comrade.

None of that happened.

Instead, Keith had willingly joined in on another mission for him, almost right after. The boy even went as far as to put his blade duties before his paladin duty. The execution of Keith's missions were perfect... too perfect. While Kolivan could watch him carry out every mission without any major error or compromises, he could also see how his emotions were slowly being suppressed.

Kolivan’s eyes lit up.

Suppressed. That was the word.

The boy was suppressing his feelings. Keith didn’t let himself feel anything.

A weird feeling spread across Kolivan's body. I made him feel heavier, and the area around his heart tightened. Kolivan was surprised, the feeling he had was one he hadn’t felt in several deca-phoeb’s.

Guilt.

The Garla worked differently, he knew that. They were a species of aliens that needed a set goal, one that wasn't vague or none direct. They needed a leader and a clear path.

Rarely did they ever think about other meanings to the words. There was no need for interpretations because every order should be as direct and self-explanatory as possible. They communicated through actions because they knew words were dangerous in their deception.

However for hybrids- not to mention humans, the trait of interpretation and searching for a deeper meaning existed. Currently, that was the one thing that had changed Keith. 

Kolivan knew he needed to talk to him. He knew that he himself knew the difference between hiding and suppressing. Keith on the other hand clearly didn’t, and it was hurting him. Maybe not right away, but sooner or later it would.

With confident steps, Kolivan marched over towards the boy’s room. Blue-purple knuckles knocked on the door as he waited. A modulated “Come in,” was heard from the other side of the door. With that, the leader of the blades let himself inn.

* * *

Keith started at the ground. His face was that of apathy, but his body proved he was anything but, as weak and almost unnoticeable trembles that went through his right arm. He had a vice grip around it, trying to quiet them down.

 _‘Stop shaking!’_ He thought, but the limb didn’t oblige.

Keith let out a groan. Whether it was out of frustration, grief, sadness, or fear, he didn’t know.

Hadn’t for a while.

Everything was jumbled into an indistinguishable mess of raging emotions. Albeit muted, they were still there.

Keith knew that chaos was bubbling under the surface. Stormy and raging emotions, all ready to be let out, but he refused. Instead, he worked on dissociating himself from them. Constantly going on missions was a good way of distracting himself. Emotions weren’t him, he had no need for them. Not anymore at least.

 _“The mission is more important than the individual.”_ Was the phrase Keith kept repeating to himself. A mantra that told him what his new life was. He wasn’t a paladin anymore. He didn’t need to prance around on stage and perform spectacular shows in front of coalition members.

He was a soldier.

An individual who fought on the front lines, while others could strategize and plan.

Without emotions, and without attachments. He was a weapon. A disposable object among thousands of blades. It wouldn’t matter if he died, someone would always fill in on his place. Pick up the fight. That much he knew.

“Who has time for emotions?” Keith whispered, looking up at the ceiling.

It was made of a dim grayish metal and had a slight purple tint due to the quintessence used to light up the room. _‘Who has time for emotions?’_ He repeated again, as a small smile formed.

He sure didn’t.

For all he knew, he could die on the next mission.

_KNOCK… KNOCK_

Keith flinched, at the sound, it caught off guard. Somehow it has seemed louder than usual. Forcing himself to relax his heart rate he said, “Come in.” His voice was steady, at the moment. However, his mind was already preparing himself for the next mission.

Keith didn’t need to look at the person to know who it was. The determined footsteps were all it took for him to know it was Kolivan. Which could only mean that a new mission had been assigned to him. Either that, or he was being kicked out.

“Keith,” Kolivan said, voice gruff and authoritative.

“Kolivan,” Keith greeted, eyes sharp while looking at the Garla. There was something off about him.

The Marmora leader didn’t say anything else after that. Instead, he made his way towards Keith, who eyed him wearingly. It was clear that the boy found the situation odd and suspicious. The bed sank as Kolivan sat down. Keith put his arms behind him preparing to lift himself off the bed, but a clawed hand halted his motion.

“Sit,” Kolivan simply said, eyes staring right ahead before his yellow eyes meet Keith’s. “We need to talk.”

Internally Keith froze, externally he nodded a firm nod.

“Is it about the next mission?” He asked, eyes never leaving Kolivan.

“No, I’m not sending you on another mission.” Keith clenched his fists, making Kolivan raise an eyebrow, noting the reaction down. “Not until this issue is resolved.”

“What issue?” Keith asked, voice well regulated. It didn't carry a single bit of anger or frustration in it. However, Keith himself practically radiated unspoken fury.

“If it’s about compromising the mission, I won’t do that. I know that going after another blade is a waste of time. If they can’t make it, then they _can’t_. Simple as that.” Keith said, voice as cold as ice. He didn't need to hear it again. He didn't need another lecture.

“It’s not about the mission. It’s about you” Kolivan said, the look Keith sent him was that of pure confusion. They could both hear the unspoken question. _Me?_ However, the look disappeared as quickly as it had appeared, leaving behind a composed and emotionless face.

“I don’t understand,” Keith said, meeting his eyes, before looking down at the floor. All of a sudden he felt defeated, drained even. “If it’s about my performance I can-” Kolivan stopped him with a halting motion.

“It has nothing to do with how you carry out the missions.” He said, making sure to give Keith some extra ticks to fully process it. 

“I’m here to talk about your mental state.”

Keith seemed to freeze up. Kolivan didn’t need to be a druid to see how the boy’s mind tackled his sentence from every possible angle he could come up with. Tore it down, and reconstruct it. Analyzing the tone it was said in, pronunciation. Every nook and cranny that could lead to some ulterior meaning.

Ultimately it seemed like the boy had settled on something. “There is nothing wrong with me. I’m perfectly _fine_.” Keith said, putting extra weight on the last word. His blue-grey eyes meet Kolivan’s unimpressed gaze.

Said the leader of the blades let out a small scoff. Surely, Keith knew that he couldn’t fool him. No- Kolivan knew that Keith knew it was a lost battle. The look in the kit’s eyes was all he needed to know.

Deceiving Kolivan was a lost battle.

“Okay, maybe- Maybe I’m not fine, but I don’t want your sympathy,” Keith said, eyes looking straight into Kolivan’s acidic yellow eyes. The Marmora leader raised an impressed eyebrow at the kit. He really had gusto, glaring at him like that.

“I do not hold any feelings of pity or sorrow for your emotional dilemma,” Kolivan stated, to anyone but Keith it was an obvious lie. Heck, has Ulaz been alive he would’ve chastised him for telling such an obvious lie. Keith on the other hand hung his head in what Kolivan guessed was something akin to defeat.

“However, I can’t have one of my own sufferings.” Gray-blue eyes looked up in surprise and mild confusion. All it took was a quick glance at Keith's innocent expression and Kolivan broke. He couldn’t tiptoe around the problem any longer. The kit needed to know.

“Keith, you’ve been reckless. Normally it’s not of any major consequence, but should you continue with these behavioral patterns-”

“I’ll die,” Keith said bluntly, not even looking ashamed. In fact, he looked almost determined, something Kolivan found odd. Death wasn’t something people usually found appealing. It wasn't something people actively searched for.

“Voltron is about bringing hope. Liberating people is one part, yes, but the other part of it- It’s not for me. I can’t do what they can…” Keith said, trailing off. Kolivan opened his mouth to talk, but stopped as Keith continued. The kit had apparently just taken some time to collect and sort out his words.

“I’ll be fine dying knowing I could help people like me. A soldier out of many, and a necessary sacrifice to liberate the universe.” Keith said as Kolivan let out a sigh.

Sure he had on multiple occasions tole Keith their main rule- That the mission was more important than the individual. However, he didn’t think it would backfire this greatly. He never expected that Keith would take it as; keel over and die. You are disposable.

“Our rules were made for the Garla-” Kolivan said while Keith looked at him with wide doe eyes.

“Full-blooded Garla’s need direct commands. We rarely think about the deeper meaning. Hybrids, however, often have the ability to think further and dissect the order that’s given.” Kolivan said, making sure Keith was still with him.

“On 9 out of 10 occasions, you’ve done this exact thing. To interpret the order, and not follow it directly.” Kolivan could watch how Keith’s composure crumbled under the sentence. “Although it breaks with how the organization works, I have to be honest. I couldn’t be more grateful.” Kolivan said, getting off the bed to crouch in front of Keith, making sure he met the boy on eye level.

“You are an important asset to the Marmora organization. I can’t thank you enough.” Kolivan said, thinking of all the other Marmora agent’s saved by Keith’s selflessness. In the boy’s short time in the organization, more agents had made it back than what they did during a regular deca-phoeb. 

“Without you, many more Marmora agent’s would have lost their lives. Almost pointlessly so." Kolivan whispered the last part under his breath. "As the leader of the Blades, and as someone who values the lives of his fellow Blades- I can’t thank you enough.”

The last part of the statement had come as a surprise to Keith. He knew that Kolivan wasn't as heartless as he originally thought. Still, having the Marmora leader outright say it, was certainly a massive shock.

“Still, the issue remains. You get too attached. Something that can be detrimental to your survival.” Keith opened his mouth, ready to come with a reply. One hand signal from Kolivan was all it took for him to shut his mouth close.

“I’m not telling you to suppress your emotions, I never have,” Kolivan said observing Keith’s expression. “I’m simply telling you to know when to hide them.”

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed, from beside him Kolivan could only observe as the small boy dissected his sentences. The gears were certainly turning if Keith’s expressions were anything to go by. 

“You think that by showing that I care about someone… It can be used against me?” Keith asked, unsure in his theory. Kolivan gave him a firm nod.

“Yes, should the Empire become aware of how strong your ties are- They will by no doubt exploit it.”

Once again the duo was plunged into silence. Keith contemplated the new information, while Kolivan patiently waited for the boy to come to a conclusion. 

It was a peculiar situation for him. Truly. Normally Kolivan would never take that much time or any time off to look after someone as he had done with Keith. Usually, he would give them the outermost basic information and send them on missions with older and more experienced blades to learn the rest. Yet here he sat right beside Keith, carefully guiding him every step of the way. Making sure he understood what his words meant while leaving no room for further interpretation.

The difference in attitude made Kolivan almost scoff. The little kit truly had him wrapped around his finger.

“So… you don’t want me to get rid of my emotions but know when to hide them,” Keith said, spacing the pause between each sentence, careful like piecing together a puzzle.

“Correct,” Kolivan confirmed, beside him. Upon hearing the confirmation he could see how Keith’s eyes lit up. “Emotions are what makes us strong. What makes you strong. However, they’re also our greatest weak point.” He said, making sure Keith understood.

“If you want to survive in this war you must know when to wield them, and when to keep them hidden.”

Kolivan reached out his arm and placed it on Keith’s shoulder. It was a firm, yet familiar gesture. It reminded Keith of Shiro. “I never told you to rid yourself of emotions. While we as an organization can’t diverge from our rules, we can deal with one or two compromised missions every now and then.”

With that, Kolivan stood up and walked out of the room. Leaving Keith behind to further ponder over his words. Had he turned around, he would’ve seen the small smile that covered Keith’s face.

* * *

Keith stared at the door that had long since closed, face in what looked like a confused smile. His mind still couldn’t fully wrap around what had just happened. Kolivan of all people- _Kolivan_ had come to talk to _him_ of all people. To in his weird way cheer him up?

The Blade of Marmora's _leader_ had come down to his room to talk to him and make sure he was okay. 

Keith shook his head and scoffed. The situation was ironic. The Blades didn’t care about their agents, or at least that’s what he had though. However, Kolivan had proved him wrong. His leader was actually grateful for his disregard for the rules. In fact, going by the tone of Kolivan's voice it sounded like he almost encouraged it. Key word being almost.

Nonetheless, Kolivan off all people encouraged Keith to do something that could potentially compromise the mission. Albeit, not too often, but every now and then.

Keith leaned back in his bed, his arm absentmindedly searched for his blade. Lifting the luxite blade he could only stare at the glowing purple sigil. Like always, it seemed to pulsate under his fingers. It felt alive.

He looked at it for a few ticks, before letting his arm fall down limply onto the bed, still holding a firm grasp of the knife. Sucking in a gasp of air, he let out a laugh. It was a weird mix between the hilarity of the situation, disbelief, amusement, and confusion. 

_“I never told you to rid yourself of emotions. While we as an organization can’t diverge from our rules, we can deal with one or two compromised missions every now and then.”_

Keith found himself smiling again. In his own awkward way, it seemed like Kolivan actually cared about him.

In that exact moment, ever since leaving Voltron, Keith didn’t feel as alone as he did. Someone in the Blades cared about him, and currently, that was all he needed to know.

 _‘Guess I have two families now.’_ Keith thought, falling into a peaceful sleep for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man is Kolivan a hard character to write. Especially since he's such stoic character (not to mention paranoid). Still, I like to think of him as someone who deeply cares about his agents, but isn't that good at showing it. After all, it can't be easy being the leader of a rebel group, who are Garla while fighting against the Garla Empire. So yeah... poor guy.  
> As for this story, my headcanon is that he's more of a detached mentor.  
> This means that Kolivan let his recruits figure things out on their own, but should they need it, he will always be there for them. He's not doting on Keith by any means, but he's always worrying, and ready to take action.


	11. To be lost is a part of being found - Red and Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith's journey from "lost rebel" to "strong leader" through Red and Black's eyes.  
> or  
> Two lionesses trying to protect their cub, while watching him grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for vanishing!  
> I've been on vacation for a while, and haven't had any internet while I was away. By vacation, I mean camping out in no man's land where internet is nonexistent.  
> That aside... Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Red was the first one who saw his potential. Albeit their encounter had been in a non-favorable environment, Keith Kogane had shown her more than enough in the short time they met.

His protective streak, instinctual guidance, bravery, justice, and recklessness shine through. From his first actions alone, Red knew Keith wouldn’t abandon her. 

He would make sure that no one got her even at the expense of his own safety.

Although the last point was concerning.

Keith was willing to do anything to keep her protected and out of the Garla empire’s hands. To the point of him resorting to potentially eject himself into outer space to be left for dead. Red was the embodiment of instinct and temperament. Sentiments that were perfectly reflected in Keith. Therefore when the young halfling piloted her, she instantly felt a connection and a simple need to protect.

She couldn’t explain it, however, when she felt how distressed Keith was after entering the Marmora base she knew why.

Keith was her cub.

Feisty, fierce and ferocious, but at the same time, delicate, vulnerable and confused.

_ ‘Little lion, little cub’ _ , Red thought fondly while Keith piloted her.

She would protect him when no one else could. She wouldn’t let anyone harm or cause him distress. Keith was her paladin. Her baby cub. Force and strong, but in need of guidance. Until the day he’d grow into a force lion, she would be there for him.

Then one night she felt his presence. 

The lights flooded the room as the sliding doors to the hangar opened. Standing in the spotlight was Keith. 

Her cub looked shaken, hair disheveled and standing out in all directions as small hiccups left his lips. If she wasn’t a gigantic robot, her face would show concern.

Through their bond Red could feel how rattled he truly was. How his consciousness was distressed to the point of it borderline being a panic attack.

He wanted comfort.

Keith wanted to feel safe and had on pure instincts sought her out to seek comfort in. 

Seek refuge.

Red’s eyes lit up instantly. She purred at him while sending warm and comforting feelings through their bond. Keith would be safe with her. He deserved to be safe.

Cooing at her cub, Red could see how he slowly albeit timidly made his way over her.

_ ‘Brave, cub’ _

_ ‘Strong cub’ _

_ ‘SAFE cub’ _

Red wanted him to feel at ease, afraid that any more stress would cause him to pass out or potentially hurt himself. Blue had told her how bad things had gotten when Shiro vanished with the Kerberos crew, so it was safe to say that Red didn’t want a repetition of that.

Her soft cooing didn't seem enough to calm Keith down. Feeling how he worked himself into a panic attack, Red decided to smother him. 

Nudging her mind against his consciousness, she smothered the frantic and erratic thoughts. The action caused Keith to sink together at her feet, limp like a ragdoll. Not soon after, he passed out. However that didn’t worry Red.

Cooing at him, she carefully laid down, making sure Keith was safe in between her front paws. If anyone tried to wake him she’d make them regret it. 

Keith was her precious baby, her precious cub.

* * *

Red wasn’t happy, not at all. She loved her sister, she really did, but she didn’t want her to have Keith. Especially not now. 

Keith wasn’t ready.

She could feel how much her cub hurt. She could feel how he would cry his voice raw every night after the loss, and she felt helpless.

Red couldn’t take on another form. She couldn’t wrap herself around him, or stroke him with her paw. She was a sentient robot, made to be a superweapon. Comforting Keith, her cub felt impossible, and it broke her.

Keith didn’t sleep in his room anymore. The thought of being completely alone was absolutely terrifying to him now, and so he slept inside the red cockpit. When he was there, Red would do her best to chase away the nightmares and make his rest pleasant. It was what little help she could provide.

When day time came, she could only watch as Keith mercilessly threw himself at the training bots. Taking them one by one in ferocious swipes with no regards to himself getting hurt in the process. It pained her that she couldn’t do anything but watch.

While he piloted her, Red could feel how he became more reckless. How Keith pulled more risky maneuvers out on missions, and how a small part of his mind, but a part nonetheless wanted to die. Because death in her own cub’s opinion, would be the only way to end his suffering.

Still, Red refused him, often resort to pretending to malfunction, just so Keith wouldn't be able to pull as many stunts. Between taking care of his mental state and preventing him from killing himself, it couldn’t be any clearer.

Keith wasn’t ready to become the leader. 

He wasn’t ready to have Black as his lion, and Red wasn’t ready to let her cub go.

Despite knowing that, she knew it was inevitable. Red knew deep down that Keith was special and meant for greatness, and so she decided to push him- but not after she had tried to reassure him. She had to make sure Keith was in the best state he currently could be. 

Mentally and physically. 

When the time came, Red could only watch in bittersweet happiness, as Keith made his way towards Black.

_ ‘Strong little cub.’ _

_ ‘Brave little lion.’ _

Keith was one step closer, one step closer to discover his full potential. Red couldn’t feel more proud. However that didn’t make it any easier for her to let him go.  The switch hadn't felt right.

Red liked Lance, she really did. Lance had a good heart, a big heart...  But he wasn’t her cub.

He wasn’t her little lion. 

Her little lion was with Black, slowly breaking apart piece by piece.

Keith had visited Red, not as often as she’d like. From the sideline, she could see how her little lion reverted back to a scared cub.

Red could feel how Keith had started suffering alone again. Only when it became too much for him to bear would he go to her. Once he was there Red wouldn't let go.

She couldn’t.

Their bond was still strong, and Red would come for him in a heartbeat should the situation call for it. Luckily it never had until Keith had started to pull away.

Red had heard him rant before. She had heard her cub cry out to her in fear and anger. How he thought of himself as unworthy and how she shouldn’t trust him. Keith’s rant’s could go on for minutes or hours, all ranging from heartbreaking to soul-crushing.

He was lost and scarred, a poor cub who got separated by his parents way too early.

They couldn’t take him away from her. Team Voltron couldn’t take her cub away from her when he so clearly  _ needed _ her.

However, despite that they still did.

* * *

Black didn’t know what to do. Her sister Red had been furious at her for taking away her paladin. Red had pleaded with her to give him back. To give her  _ cub _ back to her.

_ ‘He’s hurting’ _

_ ‘He needs more time’ _

_ ‘He’s not ready’ _

Red had screamed at her, and it broke her. After all, her sister rarely ever got this upset over someone. Not even Alfor.

Heartbreak wasn’t new to any of them. Black knew heartbreak, and Red knew that she had felt the feeling of it.

Especially when her first paladin changed.

Zarkon had become corrupted. So much so that he no longer represented the man he first was. He wasn’t the kind patient leader he used to be.

Still, up until recently, she had held on because it was too painful for her to fully let go and accept what he had become. However, with the help of Shiro, she had come to understand that she needed to move on. To accept that the past couldn't be changed and that she needed to help in the fight for a better future.

Just as she had come to accept Shiro as her paladin, he disappeared. Reduced to a mere consciousness, that resided withing her plane.

All she was left with now, was a broken boy. 

A broken cub.

One who had been through way too much, but who had immense potential.

She had seen Keith when he was Red’s paladin. How he brought comfort not only to Shiro but the team as well. She had seen him contribute to plans and how he sometimes effortlessly led them or became a comforting figure to fall back on.

Black knew those qualities were there. 

She  _ knew _ it.

However, those qualities were buried deep beneath a coalescence of self-loathing emotions and feelings. Her paladin was filled with insecurities. Something that resulted in him fighting her instead of working with her.

She had tried to fix it for Keith. She had tried to make it easier for him and not put any pressure on him but to no avail. 

Keith was rash, violent, but most importantly, deeply hurting.

With a desperate last attempt at trying to help him, she called her sisters telling them to contact their paladins.  After that, it seemed like things went better.

However, fate would prove her wrong.

* * *

Naxzela hit them like a ton of bricks. Both lions, paladins, Marmora agents, and rebels. They were all in shock at what had transpired, then again h ow could they not?

Keith had tried to sacrifice himself.

He had tried to  _ kill  _ himself.

With that the last straw had been drawn. Team Voltron needed to talk.  _ Now _ .

Roaring through their bond, each lion called their respective paladins, and the poor boy who did the kamikaze stunt had two angry lionesses after him. Three if Blue was counted for, and she wasn't even his lion.

So with the call, team Voltron and Matt found themselves in the hangar with all five lions looming in front of them. 

Keith was already there seemingly already in conversation with the lions, leaving his ex-team and Matt behind to stand there and observe. Team Voltron wore a set of different expressions ranging from worry, to anxious to discomfort.

Matt however looked relatively calm. He had already rounded up the paladin’s for a serious talk, Keith included.

With an angry roar, the black lion effectively got everyone's attention.

_ ‘You are responsible for this. You are the reason the cub is hurting.’ _ Black roared through the bond.

The paladins winched at the loud voice, however at the mention of the word cub, they all looked at each other confused. Said cub retracted in on himself without anyone taking notice. Or at least that’s what he thought. 

Sneaking up beside him, Matt placed a calm and comforting hand on Keith’s shoulder, making the boy flinch before eventually relaxing. Looking up, Keith sent Matt a pair of pleading eyes. 

_I don’t want to be here._ _ They shouldn’t go through this. It was MY fault. _ Was what Keith conveyed with his look.

Matt however wouldn't have it and shook his head.

_ This is not your fault. _ He said with his own stern look. Upon receiving it, Keith seemed to curl further into himself. At this point, he looked like a lost and scared child. Matt was about to comment on it before Keith froze.

_ ‘Cub is safe’ _

_ ‘Cub is loved’ _

Keith’s eyes widened. He knew that voice. It was Red.

Blue-gray eyes carefully scanned the room. It seemed like no one else could hear her. In fact, it looked like the paladins were getting scolded as all their stances were a variety of the scolded child look.

_ ‘Why do they look like that? What is Black doing?’ _ Keith asked through the bond as Red gave a comforting rumble.

_ ‘Black is talking. They need to understand’ _ Red responded.

_ ‘Understand what?” _ Keith asked, swearing he saw Red’s eyes glint in something akin to amusement.  She gave a last rumble before the connection faded. Leaving Keith alone in his mind extremely confused.

“So- What did your lion mom say?” Matt whispered as Keith looked at him in confusion.

“Red," The older Holt stressed. "What did Red say?” Matt said, giving up on Keith understanding what he meant with lion mom.

“I- I don’t know. She was very… vague.” Keith replied as Matt sighed. Under his breath, Keith swore the older Holt complained about all-knowing beings always being vague in their answers.

_ ‘Cub, talk to your team. They’re ready to listen.’ _ Black said through her bond with Keith.

_ ‘Don’t run _ away _.'_ She added sternly at the notion of Keith taking a step back towards the door. The boy was scared of an emotional confrontation, Black noted. Keith was trying run away from his feelings right in front of her both mentally and physically.

_ 'You need this. You deserve to heal.’ _ Black softly added, feeling Keith’s mind trying to come with an excuse.

With a quiet nod, Keith took a small and unsure step towards his former team. Following behind him was Matt, ready to be Keith’s pillar of support.

* * *

Red and Black couldn’t be any prouder of their cub. Their cub, their Keith, was finally becoming the paladin they knew he would be. He was all grown up now, proud as a lion, deadly as a lioness

He still wasn't completely freed from his own demons. Even to this day, they still haunted him. Such as the guilt of chopping off Shiro's robot arm, or how he had acted when he first became the Voltron leader. Those were things the lionesses knew would continue to haunt him for a while. However, he was getting better.

Keith was finally healing.

The little half-human half-garla boy had come a long way. He wasn’t the scared, shy, and broken cub he used to be.

Keith stood proud now. 

He knew who he was. He had accepted and come to terms with his heritage, and he knew who his family was.

Keith had found a pack, a lion pride, a family, with the paladins. Their little lion had finally found his home. A place where he could always fall back at. A place where he could feel safe, and have the people who truly loved and valued him was.

With that, they could finally part ways.

Voltron wasn’t needed any longer.

Their cub was all grown up.

Keith was a proud lion now, ready to take on the world. He had finally discovered his full potential, as a Marmora agent, as a leader, as a teammate, and as the living being that was Keith Kogane.

With a bittersweet feeling, they all gave a mighty roar and scattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To those who have been observant, the number of chapters went up by one. I remembered that Red and Black hadn't had a chapter yet so in true me fashion I decided to write it.  
> Since the lions are sentient and have their own, slightly odd way of displaying affection. I thought it made sense for them to be worried. Red especially since she basically went on her own rescue mission when Keith took on the Marmora trail.  
> So yeah...  
> Thanks for reading!


	12. I never really changed. I just become more me - Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith finally visits his father's grave and confronts his past, while Krolia gets all of team Voltron to rethink what they know about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm finally back from the dead! ^^  
> So, school has "finally" started and it took quite a while to get back into the rhythm. That, and the fact that all creativity left me the second I stepped inside the building.   
> So yeah, sorry about that.

“Hello, Dad...” Keith said, looking at the gray gravestone. A sense of melancholy and loneliness seemed to lost surround it, the longer he stared.

In large and elegant letters was the name of his father written. It was early in the morning, and the Korean Texan boy had decided to venture out into the desert to pay his father a much-awaited visit.

However, upon arriving all words seemed lost on his tongue. 

Five years, give or take, he had spent out in space. Five years to mature and develop as a person, yet standing in front of his father’s gravestone was all it took to render him wordless. What could he say? What was there to say?

So much had happened, to him, to his friends, to everyone. The war had changed everything and everyone who fought in it.  None of them were the same as before they left earth.

There was so much to tell, yet Keith couldn’t even find a place to start.

“I know I haven’t visited…” Keith said, unable to find the right words. “I’ve been busy.”

“I- I’m…” Was he really sorry? 

Keith didn’t know.

“I know I haven’t visited you... but I really, really I wanted to,” Keith said with a sigh. His emotions ran wild within him making it impossible to settle on something, let alone find any words to say.

Lifting his hand he looked at the flower bouquet. Smiling back at him were red and white poppies, leaves softly swayed every now and then in the mild morning breeze. 

“I met mom,” Keith said, with a chuckle. “We… We met on an alien warship.”

Keith looked at his knife, snuggly attacked at his hip. The day they met was still seared into his brain, as clear as the day it happened.

“She’s quite the character. I can see why you fell for her. She's so brave, selfless, and caring. Incredibly much so.” Keith said, looking at the grave. “I don’t blame you. I don’t blame any of you.”

“I know I haven’t been the best after you left… I grew afraid and created walls.” He said thinking back to the days after his father’s death. 

The days had been weird. While the outside world seemed to function normally, everything seemed to merge together into one incoherent mess of emotions. Days would pass where he’d feel nothing, only to then later find himself breaking down seemingly with no warning.

The worst of it all was probably anger. 

The feeling had burned through his veins witch such intensity for such a long time. So much so that he eventually came to resent his parents. 

Keith remembered going days upon days cursing out his father’s name, before punching the nearest thing possible, human or otherwise.

The social workers and psychologists had tried their best every time the sudden outburst happened, and every time he felt equally as guilty over causing such a scene. He just didn’t know what to do, and he had felt so incredibly lost.

It wasn’t until he hit one of his lowest points that he finally saw an opportunity.

Upon closing his eyes Keith could almost imagine the scene down its very last details. That was how vividly he remembered it.

The whole thing happened at night after one of his worst breakdowns. The social workers had just left, upon his own request, after he had calmed down. Keith remembered how he had pulled his knees close to his chest while silent crying in the corner of his bed. 

Then, a single moonbeam had shined through the window, which caught his attention and so, he carefully uncurled to walk towards the window.

That’s when he saw it.

Billions upon billions of stars had gleaned back at him. All so incredibly bright and colorful in the chill desert night sky. Every single one of them looked so beautiful, so incredibly free.

And so he swore to himself that one day. One day he would finally be free too.

Blinking, Keith found himself back in the now. Looking at the gravestone that somehow looked more blurry than usual. It took him a second to realize that it was tears that caused the gauzy look.

“I know why mom left. I know what happened, and dad... I-” Keith said letting out a choked sob. “I still miss you.”

“I- When we finally came back to earth… The guys- Everyone got to meet their families.” Keith said, smiling a sad smile. “I got to see everyone reunite with their families. Even... Even the one who was captured.”

“And I felt so conflicted,” Keith said, holding back a sob as he looked at cold stone letters that starred back at him.

“I was so happy for them. So incredibly happy, but… at the same time, I felt so horrible, so, envious and- I didn’t want to.”

“I wanted them to be happy. I wanted them to feel the joy of reuniting and knowing their loved ones were safe. They all deserved it.” Keith said, wiping his tears with one arm. A wobbly smile covered his face as he bit his lower lip. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want to feel sad in front of his dad, however, it was a lost battle.

“But at the same time, I hated it. I hated it so much you have no idea.”

It was all true. The feeling that emerged within him on that day were some he thought were long forgotten. In one fellow swoop, it felt like he got dragged right back to the time after losing his father.

The rage, envy, frustration, and conflicting emotions. All the turmoil had suddenly resurfaced, all while he watched his teammates. Everyone united and happy, both parents, siblings, and all.

While they caught up and chatted with their family and loved ones, Keith remembers aimlessly wandering around the Garrison hallways alone, giving away fake smiles whenever he stumbled over someone. 

What was possibly the worst of all was that none of his teammates seemed to notice that anything was off.

However, he could hardly fault them in that.

“I’m- I’m not good at this, dad…” Keith said falling to his knees in defeat. The bouquet rolled onto the ground, as Keith furiously wiped away his own tears. “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

He didn’t know why or what he was apologizing for. There wasn’t any logical reasoning behind it, but Keith felt like he somehow had to seek forgiveness.

Maybe it was the guilt of not visiting. Maybe it was the guilt of feeling the disgusting emotions he had felt back when they finally came back to earth. Whatever it was, it was clear that it was something that had been long in the making.

By the time his vision cleared, the sun was in the middle of the sky.

“I’m sorry, dad, for coming here only to break down in tears. It wasn’t what I came here to do.” Keith said laughing. 

“I really am pathetic.”

* * *

“Where is Keith?”

The question got everyone’s head-turning towards the female Garla who looked at them with an expectant look. Despite her being a member of the Blades which were a friendly organization, the people in the room couldn’t help but think that if the wrong answer was given to her, their life would be in danger.

“He said he’d go out on a trip,” Pidge nonchalantly said, not even bothering to look up from her computer. At her answer, everyone seemed to release their own versions of a relieved sigh.

“Yeah, he- Wait! When did he say that?” Lance asked, looking at Pidge who shot him an unimpressed look.

“This morning. You would’ve heard it if you didn’t spend two hours on your stupid face routine.” Pidge deadpanned, finally removing her eyes from the lit-up screen.

“Hey!” Lance shouted out. “Perfection takes time, and I pride myself on how flawless my look is. Don’t come crawling back to me when your skin looks worse than a sun-dried grape.” Lance said, priding himself on his comeback.

Pidge opened her mouth, ready to come with a retort, however, Shiro beat her to it.

“Anyways,” He said, making sure to put extra weight on every syllable as he shot the two a stern look. 

“Is there any reason you want to know? You’re usually fine with him doing whatever he wants.” Shiro stated, genuinely confused as he looked at the stony face Krolia made. The female Garla sighed before walking towards the group.

“Today is the day my husband died.”

The room fell completely silent as they processed the newly revealed information. A look of horror covered everyone’s faces as the pieces clicked together.

“Keith’s dad…” Coran said horrified. “Today’s the day he lost his dad...”

“We just left him alone…” Lance gasped in trepidation, eyes widening in horror.

“How could we not have known this?” Shiro softly whispered out. Despite it being said in such a low and hushed tone, it caught everyone’s attention.

“You didn’t know!?” Lance asked the man. The pure shock of the revelation was written over his face.

“How could  _ you _ not have known?!” Pidge asked alarmed, she did not believe what Shiro had just indirectly shared with them.

"I must say to number 1, this is quite the surprise," Coran added.

“Yeah, don’t you guys share everything with each other?” Hunk asked, as Shiro only shook his head.

“Well, yes… or at least almost,” Shiro said, eyebrows furrowing into a soft frown. “But even I couldn’t move past all his…”

Shiro didn’t need to finish the sentence. They were all aware of it.

Despite everything that had happened. Despite everything they had been through, Keith still put a certain amount of distance between them. Even when he came back after reconciling with his mom, it was clear that he still held them at an arm’s length away. Looking at the paladins, Krolia sighed. 

She should’ve known this would be the outcome.

Of course, Keith hadn’t told them. The only reason she found out was probably that the flashbacks that happened in the quantum abyss. Either that or because Keith knew it would have an equally hurtful impact on her.

It was a safety thing to him, or so she guessed.

If no one knew about it, no one would treat him differently. 

She could only guess, but if Keith was afraid of them knowing it was something that ran deeper than just the outer surface. It was something that was only limited to his friends, which meant that the people did the same thing.

“Does… does Keith still not trust us? After everything we’ve done together… does he still not feel safe around us?” Pidge asked, making Krolia swallow. She could see the hurt in the young Terran’s eyes. The fear of her statement being true would most definitely crush her as well as all of Keith's teammates.

“No, he trusts you. He wouldn’t have told anyone... not even me,” Krolia said with a defeated sigh.

“But he told you…?” Hunk said as everyone looked at Krolia in equal confusion.

“I’m his mother. Of course, he would… However, it would’ve happened a lot later if we weren’t trapped in the quantum abyss.” More silence followed as they all fell into a quiet hush.

No one knew what to say, but it was clear that they all wanted to visit.

“We can’t let him be alone,” Lance said, guild evident in his voice. Blue eyes pleaded Krolia for a silent approval, to which she gave a nod.

“Not on this day. Not again.” The Cuban boy’s held a finality to them. Almost as if daring anyone to speak against him.

“We’re not leaving him alone on this day ever again. We might have done it in the past, but we’re not repeating the same mistake.”

“I’m with you buddy,” Hunk said, rising up from his seat.

“Agreed,” Pidge said as they all turned towards Shiro.

“Hold it.” Everyone froze as they looked at Shiro in shock. Out of all the people in the room, they would’ve thought that he would’ve been the first to agree.

“I don’t want him to be alone, trust me,” Shiro said, looking as the glaring faces melted away to confusion. “However, think about this for a second; Is this what Keith wants us to do?”

“As much as I hate to say this, I don’t think we should visit. Keith has his reasons for not telling us, and I don’t think us being there will be any good to him.”

The room fell silent, however, Krolia nodded. It seemed like Shiro had reached the same conclusion as her. The others just had to grasp it.

"You bring up a valid point," Coran frowned, twirling his mustache ina thinking manner. Despite being their advisor, it was clear even he hadn't thought of it from that angle.  Keith's angle.

“But Shiro, his dad-”

“I know, Lance. I know but think about this for a second. Why would Keith keep this from us?” The ex-leader of Voltron questioned all of them, before continuing on.

“He’s fought together with us, traveled through dimensions. He was even been willing to sacrifice himself for us. So why do you think this situation is any different?” Pure silence followed.

With a sigh, Shiro decided to explain it. “It’s personal, Lance. That’s why he isn’t willing to share.”

“But he-! Why? Why won’t he share this with us? Aren’t we a team?” The Cuban boy asked. It was clear that the implications of Keith not trusting them enough to relay such important information hurt him deeply.

“Lance,” Hunk said, as a half warning. He didn’t want a fight to break out between them.

“Look, I’m really not supposed to tell you any of it, but Keith’s still haunted by his childhood.” All eyes turned towards Shiro, and once again it was if yet another bombshell had been dropped. Dark grey eyes looked towards Krolia who nodded. It was clear that she wanted him to continue.

“He… Keith had problems as a child. He never talked about it, but sometimes… He’d suddenly get these anger outbursts, completely out of nowhere.” Shiro said, voice dim as if a lost and concerned father.

“Well, yeah. We kinda already know that he’s hot-headed.” Lance said only to get smacked by Pidge.

“Ouch! What was that for!?” He asked only for Pidge to roll her eyes. 

“Please continue.” She said, nodding towards Shiro.

“Right,” Shiro said, looking at Lance almost challenging the boy to interrupt him. “These anger bursts were different. From what I could tell, they never had a visible cause. There was never any provocation.” Shiro, said as Krolia bit her lip. She knew the feeling all too well.

“I’m going to find him,” She announced before leaving the room. Behind her, Lance tried to walk after her, but Shiro shook his head. One well-placed look was all it took for Lance to understand the situation.

This was a family matter.

* * *

Stepping out of the room, Krolia whistled. A high pitched tune left her mouth, too high for normal humans to hear. Not a second later a blue light appeared along with a medium-sized comics wolf. She looked it in the eyes. 

“Take me to Keith.” 

Krolia knew that Cosmo didn’t understand the words she had said, but she knew the wolf understood the tone and meaning. Especially when Keith’s name was mentioned. He was the owner after all, and Krolia knew that Cosmo would jump at any chance to be with him.

They were almost inseparable after all.

True to her words Cosmo walked up to her as energy built up around them. A second later Krolia could feel her body getting lighter as the two teleported away.

The first thing Krolia noticed upon arriving was the incredibly dry and heated air. The second thing she noticed was the sensation of warm sand beneath her feet.

A wave of nostalgia hit her.

She knew this place. She knew this desert. 

It was where she had met her husband and Keith’s dad.

Her nose twitched, a salty smell hit her making her look around. Eventually, her eyes landed on Keith, sitting on his knees in front of a gray gravestone. His whole body was shaking while a chuckle sounded through the area.

Was… Was Keith laughing?

Krolia walked closer with Cosmo silently following after. She didn’t want to alert Keith to her presence yet.

“I really am pathetic.”

Both froze. Krolia because of Keith’s words, and Cosmo because he noticed Krolia’s sudden shift in aura.

“Sorry, dad. I guess I really can’t follow through with a plan. Even if it’s my own.” Keith said with an amused yet sad tone. From her viewpoint, it looked like her son found the situation hilariously wistful.

“Well, I think I’m heading off,” Keith said, slowly making his way up from the ground. “Maybe the next time I won’t be an emotional mess.” He humorously chuckled as he bent down to adjust the flower bouquet. His movements were slow and meticulous, while a concentrated from covered his face.

“Thank you for everything dad,” Keith said, once he was done placing the flowers. “Without you, I don’t think I would’ve come out nearly as whole as I am now.”

“I love you.” He said and smiled at the grave. 

“I always have. Even when I was angry or upset,” Keith said, taking a step back he assessed it all. 

Somehow the grave looked less lonely, almost as if the melancholy surrounding it had disappeared. Adding to the new atmosphere a simple yet beautiful flower bouquet now decorated it. With the orange tint of the desert sun, the white petals had a creamy golden colored tint to them.

“I hope you’ve found peace and that you're happy,” Keith said, taking a step back, smiling a content and affectionate smile. 

“I’ll see you the next time I’m visiting. I promise it won’t be too long.” He added with another chuckle.

Once he turned around he noticed Krolia, looking at him fondly. Her eyes however had a glistening shine to them, indicating that she had been crying.

“Oh, hi mom,” Keith said before he got tackled by a black and blue blur. 

“Ompf!” Keith let out, before he made contact with the sandy ground. Grains of sand got riled up in the air, making Keith inhale some of them. Cosmo on the other hand didn’t seem bothered at all, tail happily enthusiastically wagging side to side.

“Cosmo! Hey- Buddy… Wait… I-” Keith tried to greet the overgrown puppy in between licks. “Slow down,” The boy laughed, trying to escape the wolf’s affections. However, it seemed like said wolf was dead set on drowning Keith in its affections.

“I take it he was happy to see you.” Krolia chuckled, watching her son dodging Cosmo’s tongue. A weak “yes,” was herded, however, the sounds of laughter easily overpowered it.

* * *

“So… You came all the way out here?” Keith asked, absentmindedly stroking Cosmo’s soft fur. The wolf had finally calmed more down and was currently resting against his thigh. “Because, I was worried about you,” Krolia responded, having picked up on the unspoken  _ Why? _ Was Keith’s unspoken question. However, after spending two years with her son, Krolia had come to know Keith’s tendency to ask silent questions.

“You were worried?” Keith said, stopping in mid-stroke, causing Cosmo to let out a whine. “Why? I just said I was going on a trip.”

_ I’ve done it plenty of times before. What makes this special? _ Went unsaid.

“Because today we both lost someone special,” Krolia said, looking Keith in the eyes. Said teen looked away as a myriad of emotions flashed across his face.

“I’m sorry-” Keith said, only for Krolia to put up her hand in a stop motion. 

“Don’t be sorry, Keith. It’s okay for you to want to be alone.” Krolia said as Keith smiled at her, eyes teary once again.

“I- Thank you, mom. You really are the best.” Keith said, as Krolia practically beamed in happiness.

Neither were sure who moved first, but not soon after they found themselves wrapped in each other's arms. A warm and comforting hug between mother and son. 

From the sidelines, Cosmo looked at them confused, before perking up.

Going with the newly formed idea, the space wolf sprinted towards the two, effectively tackling them both to the ground.

“Cosmo!” Keith shouted with a fond undertone hidden beneath half-hearted irritation. Looking at the puppy that was practically right in front of his face, both he and Krolia knew it was a lost battle. Keith cared way too much about Cosmo, and Cosmo cared way too much about Keith. It was only a question of who would bend to the other's will, and when it came to affection, Keith would almost always let himself Cosmo win.

“Guess someone felt left out.” Krolia smiled, and as if to confirm her statement, the overgrown puppy started to lick both of them.

“Cosmo!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay… I know that this was supposed to be a team of Voltron and allies taking care of Keith- kind of thing, but honestly, I felt like this chapter was something that needed to be written. Because like seriously, why and how did the show not cover this whole thing? Like poor, baby Keith. He literally had to watch everyone getting reunited with their own families, knowing he'd never get to see his dad or if Krolia would be safe. 
> 
> Moving on to another subject... This book is almost done! I seriously can’t believe we're here! It happened so quickly.  
> However, there's still one last chapter left. So I’ll see you next time! ^^
> 
> Just a quick warning though:  
> It’ll probably take a while because it’s going to be the longest chapter of all the ones in this book.  
> Sorry ^^


End file.
